The Internet is truly an amazing and versatile tool, but let's face it — for most of us, it exists for one reason, and one reason only: Cat videos. But what's the best cat video on the Internet? Is such a thing possible? How can we pick just one out of the thousands — nay, millions — of hilarious, adorable, and downright remarkable cat videos on the Internet and name it the cream of the crop?
I don't know, exactly, but that's what the Golden Kitty Award does. Last night, the 2015 Internet Cat Video Festival was held at CHS Field in St. Paul, Minn. Hosted by the Walker Art Center, it promised an evening full of wonderfulness — and at the end of the night, the winner of the Golden Kitty Award was announced, bestowing upon it the title of Best Cat Video on the Internet. This year's festival was curated by Henri Le Chat Noir's human, Will Braden — which also meant that, alas, Henri was not eligible for the award. I appreciate the acknowledgment of a conflict of interest and the effort to avoid nepotism; however, I am still somewhat sad about it, because Henri is my absolute favorite Internet cat.
Also I cannot believe that I actually have a favorite Internet cat. What a world we live in, no?
Anyhoo, the Internet voted on their favorites in the weeks leading up to the festival… and the winner is… drum roll, please…
“Cat Behavior Finally Explained” by the YouTube Channel Cat CATastrophes! Congratulations!
As the title suggests, the video answers the ages-old question about why cats do the strange, unusual, and bizarre things they do:
They're collecting points.
Why are they collecting points? That, we don't know yet. Personally, I think it's a sort of Whose Line Is It Anyway?-type situation where everything is made up and the points don't matter… but that's just me. What we do know, however, is how many points each weird cat activity nets.
Scratching the furniture, for example? That's worth five points:
Trying to open the
cabinets repeatedly, meanwhile, earns 10, because life is hard when
you don't have opposable thumbs:
Disturbing naptime is worth 20 points (with a few bonus points thrown in there if you manage to catch your human by surprise with a swift whack to the face):
And establishing your dominance is worth a whopping 25 points:
Playing with hair is five:
Annoying the dog is 15:
And depositing the sparkly ball in your human's shoe is worth eight:
Fun fact: Yesterday I went to put a pair of shoes on that I hadn't worn for a while, only to find that my cat had done exactly that with a toy we haven't been able to find for quite some time.
This happens more often than I would like to admit.
But there's one activity that bears absolutely no points whatsoever:
Just deal with it, cat. You are never, ever going to catch the red dot. I'm sure there's a metaphor somewhere in there about the futility of life.
The final message of the video, however, isn't just about comedy; it encourages all us humans not to be as pointless as trying to catch the red dot and to adopt a cat. Although it's pretty much impossible to come up with an accurate number about how many stray cats there are in the United States, the ASPCA notes that the number might be as high as 70 million. Even more upsetting is the fact that, according to the ASPCA, only 37 percent of cats who enter shelters are adopted; five percent are returned to their owners, but 41 percent are euthanized.
This is why pet adoption is so important. Both my cats are rescues, and even though they're weirdos, they're the best furry buddies a gal could ask for. For more information, check out the ASPCA's page on pet adoption.
On a lighter note, congratulations once again both to Cat CATastrophes for winning the Golden Kitty, as well as to the other nominees! Here's the winning video in its entirety:
And here's a selection of the runners up. Head on over to the Walker Art Center's website to see them all.