Uncontrolled hissy fits, blatant attention seeking, and petty quarrels. While that might sound like a typical day at the playground, these are all things that transpired on stage at the 2015 Republican debate earlier this month. Watching Trump defiantly refuse to pledge support for the eventual nominee and then trade catty remarks with Rand Paul was like watching a bunch of kids fight over crayons at the crafts table. So it made sense, then, for Funny or Die to spoof the event by having actual kids reenact the Republican debate. These 10 young impersonators gave such accurate representations of the candidates that they might as well run themselves — we'd hardly be able to tell the difference.
In Funny or Die's video "Little Republicans: Presidential Debate Highlights," 10 child actors play the 10 Republican candidates who took to the podiums for the prime-time presidential debate on August 6: Donald Trump, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Rand Paul, and Jim Kasich. The video's description reads: "The actors are shorter, but the words all come from the candidates themselves." Not only is the script accurate, but the kids are practically miniature versions of their politician counterparts. From Little Jeb's glasses and vacant stare to Little Rand's curly mop — and, of course, Little Donald's version of Trump's brownish-orange cotton candy that he calls hair — the whole thing is authentic, down to the last detail.
Just like the real debate, the video starts off with moderator Bret Baier asking the candidates to raise their hands if any of them are unwilling to pledge their support for the eventual nominee of the Republican party. Immediately, Little Donald's hand shoots up as the crowd cheers.
Then Little Jeb reiterates that his political stance and position are independent of those of his brother and father. He asserts, "I'm going to run hard, run with heart, and run to win."
Little Rand, who is remarkably cuter than Regular Rand, gets asked whether he could decrease the size of the government by cutting certain federal agencies.
Because he's practically still a toddler, he mumbles something about the Revolution, and it makes about as much sense as Regular Rand's real statements during the debate.
But then Little Christie cuts in and calls Little Rand's response "completely ridiculous." The mini New Jersey governor then gives his own answer to the question, while showing off Christie's penchant for air quotes.
Little Rand throws a fit trying to argue against Little Christie, but it sounds like gibberish.
That's when Little Donald intervenes with the snarkiest — and most tweeted — line of the night to Little Rand:
You're having a hard time tonight.
After the moderators move the debate along, the Little Republicans discuss important issues like "radical Islamic terrorism" and the military. Little Huckabee reminds America that "the purpose of the military is to kill people and break things."
When the topic moves to abortion, Little Huckabee says, "It's time that we protect children, instead of rip up their body parts and sell them like they're parts of a Buick." Yup, the video went there.
Then Little Rubio, Little Christie, Little Kasich, and Little Cruz all list what their fathers did to paint a relatable picture of their roots.
Little Walker finally chimes in with this very important message:
It's about that time during the debate when all the candidates engage in a free-for-all bashing of Hillary Clinton. But Little Rubio offers an insightful assessment: "If this election is a resume competition, then Hillary Clinton is going to be the next president."
Finally, the Little Republicans make their closing statements. For Little Rand, this means more gibberish. Little Donald leaves us with "This country is in big trouble." The rest of the candidates sum up their most prioritized issues — Little Huckabee's are "prostitutes, pimps, and drug dealers" — while Little Carson, who has not spoken up to this point, chimes in with "I'm a neurosurgeon."
Then, after all the candidates yell to repeal Obamacare, Little Carson adds, "I'm the only one that separates Siamese twins."
The video closes with Little Kasich recounting the time he went to the wedding of a friend who happened to be gay. The crowd stands up in applause.
And there you have it — the only parts of the Republican debate you really need to know, reenacted by kids who give the actual candidates a real run for their money. Watch the full video here:
Images: Funny or Die