Look, I believe that sharing is caring when it comes to periods — why else would everyone sync up to the Period Alpha in their friend group every month? But some people might draw the line at this tampon you can share with a friend. Not just draw a line, but build a 70 foot deep mote, surrounded by an eternal ring of fire, surrounded by an entire army of orcs. But this is 2015, guys. Maybe there is no Period Alpha. Maybe now we've evolved from the primordial period ooze, and now there's a Period Team. And this product called (brace yourselves for it, folks) Friends Forever Tampons is here to usher in a new era of period sharing bonanzas, according to The Cut.
Naysayers, maybe you are just being close-minded. Maybe it's actually on you, because you have not reached a level of closeness with your girl friends that would facilitate this bloody brilliant nonsense. Maybe we scoff at this now, but by 2035 our future children will be on tandem bicycles on their way to see the eighth unnecessary Spider-Man reboot with their besties, connected by a perilous bloody string. We don't know the future. But maybe Kat Thek, inventor of the joint tampon, sees it much clearer than us.
"We guarantee that Friends Forever Tampons will bring you extremely close to your best friend for up to eight hours at a time," said Thek to The Cut. And if you're not synced up with your friend in time to make this magic happen? "Then you’re probably not actually best friends. Maybe take a road trip and try again next month."
We asked Kat a few Very Important Philosophical Questions about these tampons that I'm sure you were also dying to know, so here you are, gentle readers:
1. If you could use the Friends Forever Tampon with a #dream celeb bestie, who would it be?
Ruth Bader Ginsburg and/or Elaine Benes. Also Lucille Bluth, but only if she can spare the moisture.
2. Approximately how long is the string between the tampon ends?
It's about two feet, but we're happy to make custom lengths for long-distance best friends or best friends desiring extra closeness.
3. If one person moves too much and the tampon falls out of somebody, does the friendship end forever? Or is it like a three strikes and you're out kind of situation?
5 second rule applies.
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For those of you hoping to get your mitts on these, bad news: they appear to only be available in New York. Better luck next time, rest of the world? In any case, I'll be in a corner having an existential crisis, because I doubt I am or will ever be close enough to another human to make this work. This is a test of true friendship. And I ... have already failed.