6 Signs That You're Definitely A Serial Monogamist

by Melanie Yates

In an age of endless thinkpieces pondering whether women can “have it all,” those who have a natural tendency towards serial monogamy may think, relationship-wise, that they probably can. But what are the signs you're a serial monogamist? Serial monogamists, according to Psychology Today, “still believe in some moderate form of ideal love, but give up their basic pretense that it should last forever.” It is an increasingly preferred relationship style for the 21st century woman who seeks meaningful connections and commitment, but is not necessarily looking for the white-picket-fence life for a couple of years — or ever.

If you’re a serial monogamist, you likely didn’t become one by choice – it’s probably manifested itself as a clear pattern in your life after a few serious relationships have come and gone. Serial monogamists are magnetic kinds of people that have the unique ability to draw good and stable individuals close, no matter where in life they go. So use this power wisely — whether you’re in a relationship, or just between them at the moment. It's as innate of a feeling as being an early riser, being perpetually late, or having an affinity for electro-pop.

But in case you have any doubts about whether or not you're a serial monogamist, here are a few ways to tell that the serial monogamist life has chosen you.

1. You Can’t Remember The Last Time You Were Single

It's hard to keep track of the passage of time post-graduation. But if you're a serial monogamist, you can disregard the year altogether and instead distinguish each era of your life by the person you were dating at that time.

2. Growing Up, You Had One Best Friend, Not A Group Of Them

Before puberty, the most intimate relationship you had in life was probably with your best friend. The one you spent every school day, recess period, and weekend with. You may have even found yourself feeling the beginning pangs of jealousy, if they started hanging out with someone else more than you. If you’re able to look back and see budding relationship patterns reaching back to even your earliest childhood friendships, this is where your serial monogamist tendencies were spawned.

3. You Don't Ever Worry About Finding A Partner

I’d like to think that no one anywhere in the world is complaining about finding a significant other (because who needs them?!) but in the event that you do happen across a lovelorn companion who just wants to be wifed up, you probably cannot even hide your struggle to identify with them. If you are a single serial monogamist, you aren’t worried about finding someone, because either due to your winning personality, charming good looks, or your irresistible vibe, one will find you eventually. It’s more of a daunting thought than a depressing one, really.

4. You Think Casually Dating Multiple People At Once Is Exhausting

I’m a proponent of trying everything once. Serial monogamists, you haven’t lived until you’ve tried to carry on multiple casual dating relationships at the same time. While it's a lot of fun, and can be a big boost to your ego to have a full dance card, at its worst, dating multiple people can feel quite tiring, and it seems a bit like the strange intermission between your last and next real relationship.

5. You May Be Guilty Of A Few Overlapping Relationships

Serial monogamists are guilty of staying in relationships well past their prime, simply because the climate of today’s current dating landscape just seems like the less-appealing option compared to their current situation. They may ease out of their partnership by becoming emotionally, and then physically invested in someone new. Not an ethical thing to do by any means. Serial monogamists do this to keep their feeling of security, as opposed to breaking up and drifting into the void of singledom for a while.

6. Your "Right Now" Relationships Actually Last Years

You know you're not getting married to your partner. You know you don't want to have their children, but you're going through a time in your life where your relationship with them just feels perfectly right. The serial monogamist may get down on themselves for not going out and trying to casually date more and be more experimental. But as a fellow serial monogamist, I say: you’re not bad at being alone, you seek stable, deep, and intimate relationships with others.

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