What Happens To The Body After Orgasm? How Women & Men Experience Post-Coital Bliss Differently, According To Science

What happens to the body during orgasm is a lot more famous than what happens afterwards. After all, we as a culture are almost entirely focused on getting to that point. Give Him A Big O He'll Never Forget, 204 Ways To Make Her Come: it's orgasm central and the train is going to one stop only (multiple times, if you're lucky). But what happens to the body after you orgasm — and why — is it often confusing, strange, slightly weird, and frankly a bit emotionally vulnerable. We all know the stereotype that men roll over and want to fall asleep — but do men and women really experience post-coital bliss in such different ways?

Post-orgasmic states are often dismissed as a haze of pleasure, desire, and gender-distinct post-sex experience (men sleep, women talk), but they're actually significantly more complicated. An orgasm is a major event for the body in either gender, involving huge coordination between the genitals, the organs, the hormones, and the brain; it stands to reason that the come-down, as it were, is also a very complex process. It may not be pretty — imagine the clean-up after a massive music festival — but it's crucial for understanding why, post-O, both genders may sometimes feel needy, angry, sullen, or even disoriented. 

So here's the guide to what happens in your body, and in your partner's, once you're lying together breathing heavily in a pile of sweaty sheets. Here's a tip: it's not as simple as sitcoms may have led you to believe.

We're Both Blissfully Relaxed, But In Different Ways

The mechanism of female orgasm is actually a series of rapid, rhythmic contractions. And they're not just in the vagina: an orchestra of pulses go through your genitals, anus, uterus, and pelvic floor all at once, extremely rapidly. But it also makes the brain explode, flooding it with opoids from the limbic system, as a "reward" full of pleasure and happiness. This chemical flood isn't without its dangers: it's a key component in how we get addicted to things, like heroin

A study in 2011 showed that the genders manifest this happiness in different ways. Men, it turns out, do not just roll over and go to sleep, as 1950s cartoons would have it; they eat, smoke, ask for favors, or drink — in other words, they keep looking for another source of pleasure after the orgasm has ended. Their dopamine hit is over, but they want to recreate it in some other way. Women, meanwhile, like to communicate, touch bodies, and experience bonding with their intimate partner by staying in the same room. They're busy enjoying the after-fuzzies, not looking for another high.

Importantly, while men do this too, their pull towards it is less strong. The reason for that appears to be to do with testosterone levels and how they impact bonding behavior — and we'll get to that in a second.

Women Regain Their Emotional Awareness 

A key part of orgasm is a kind of tunnel vision — and it's not only blocking out the doorbell and construction noise outside. Orgasm is actually built on complete focus, and we become effectively blind to any other stimulants, either physical or, it turns out, mental. And women in particular become very focused indeed. 

A 2005 study from the Netherlands showed that the bits of the female brain regulating feelings, the amygdala and hippocampus, actually "turn off" in the build-up to orgasm. We become completely focussed on sensation and pleasure, rather than registering love, worry, or anything else. The part of the brain regulating behavior turns off, too, so we're not controlling ourselves out of fear of judgement, either. Once we've come, we return to our bodies, our consciousness re-calibrates, and our emotional intelligence returns — which leads to our next point.

Women Have A Greater Drive To Bond

The "cuddle chemical" oxytocin is a huge part of human bonding: mothers release it copiously while bonding with their newborns, for instance. So, unsurprisingly, people who've just had sex will find themselves awash with it. It's generally agreed among scientists that the pituitary gland releases it after orgasm, in both sexes. 

An oxytocin hit leads to a corresponding feeling of trust, safety, and emotional openness. However, a 2013 study by the University of Connecticut theorized that warm, fuzzy oxytocin paradise isn't the post-orgasm experience for all of us. People with higher testosterone levels — men in general, and some women — may not experience the oxytocin cuddles, because testosterone is antagonistic to oxytocin and might blunt its effects. "Hit it and quit it" isn't just a male thing, it seems. 

Men Might Have More Trouble Feeling Pleasure

An interesting 2003 study on the side affects of the post-orgasmic state focused on longer-term consequences — and the results were a bit strange. After a mind-blowing orgasm, it seems, the body's pleasure receptors, those that produce the chemical dopamine (which controls our pleasure and reward centres), get slightly "tired out". An experiment showed that ejaculation in a man left them handicapped at experiencing pleasure to its fullest extent for almost a week

The theory is currently that the body literally depletes itself after a serious orgasm, particularly in men. It's called sexual exhaustion, and it seems to be all in the brain: the scientists, who were treating male rats to see what happened, could make them feel revitalized and full of lust again by fiddling with their neurotransmitters, and it's likely the results would be similar in females. But if you don't feel like having sex again for several days after a particularly good orgasm, science isn't surprised: your brain chemistry seems to need to recover. And if your dopamine receptors aren't recovering well, you may actually become angry and angsty. 

Women Might Feel The Need For Another Orgasm

If you want to seriously understand your orgasms and sexual pleasure, go out and buy Ian Kerner's books immediately. The sexuality counsellor and author mentions an interesting side affect of female orgasms to Women's Health: the need for another. It's no mistake that orgasms are referred to as climaxes — they're the culmination, and hopefully release, of an intense series of built-up sensations in the body, particularly in the genitals. But for women, sometimes one's not enough. 

Women are physiologically multi-orgasmic, as we don't have a long "recovery period" after our first orgasm like men do. We can, for all intents and purposes, keep going without a breath. (Interestingly, an article in Salon in June went viral with a technique to make men multi-orgasm too — basically getting the pleasure without the need to ejaculate.) And Kerner pointed out that one possible (and common) feeling after a first orgasm for women can be, well, dissatisfaction — because the body's tension hasn't been fully dissipated by multiple crackers. Our body gets grumpy and greedy — almost the same as if we hadn't orgasmed at all. The good news? Post-first orgasm, the next ones are easier and more rapid.

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