Lana Del Rey's 'Honeymoon' Tracklist, Translated

I moved to Brooklyn this month, so, consequently, Lana Del Rey dominates 75 percent of my background music and conversations. Just Wednesday, my roommate and I were playing "High By The Beach" and talking about how psyched we are for the release of Honeymoon. Well, imagine my excitement when Lana's Honeymoon track list was officially posted online. Now, more than ever, I have a clear view of what our girl's new album is going to be about, and being a Lana Del Expert, I'm going to share my insights with all of you.

Now, OK, I know I've guessed the track list for Honeymoon before, and I was a little bit off. I think it's still plausible "Camden Daydream" will be released by a B-side. Otherwise, though, there's no facet of Lana that I don't understand, and I'm sure that, this time around, I truly know what's going through her head and heart. We still have a good month or so before Honeymoon gets released, so please just allow me to appease your anticipation.

So here they are, kiddies. Here are the 13 tracks that you should expect to hear on Honeymoon... and what they must be about, according to yours truly.

1. "Honeymoon"

Honeymoon's obviously about those 11 incredible minutes when James Franco posted a picture of them being faked married on Instagram. Then, one of Lana's fake eyelashes fell into her merlot, and, realizing everything is temporary, she fell depressed again.

2. "Music To Watch Boys To"

Just Lana melodically listing songs like, "Theme From 'A Summer Place'" and "It's Raining Men."

3. "Terrence Loves You"

Terrence is Lana's hairdresser, and, one day, Dolly Parton had a wig emergency that he had to attend to, so Lana had to get someone else to do her Golden Globes look. Lana's still super bummed about it, and this is slated to basically be her "Jolene."

4. "God Knows I Tried"

And she'll never smile again after that last failed attempt.

5. "High By The Beach"

No idea.

6. "Freak"

One of her claws got lost in her bouffant, and she no longer felt like a person anymore.

7. "Art Deco"

They told her that was the aesthetic going on in The Great Gatsby, and she was like, "Oh, that's a cool title for the song." Incidentally, it's just about the red dress her sugar daddy gives her with a Walt Whitman poem as the chorus, so IDK what happened there.

8. "Burnt Norton (Interlude)"

Um, obviously it's about the time when Lana went out for flat whites with Edward Norton, and his cup was too hot. (No, it's a poem by T.S. Eliot. I'm silly but I'm not uncultured.)

9. "Religion"

"JAMES? JAMES, WHAT'S THAT THING THAT I REFERENCE IN MY SONGS AGAIN? THE THING WITH JESUS? OH, OK, THANK YOU!"

10. "Salvatore"

Lana's beautiful Spanish lover from her early days as a New York songstress. His name was actually "Steve," but Salvatore just sounded so beautiful off the tip of her tongue, you know?

11. "The Blackest Day"

You know how you spend three hours cultivating the perfect cat eye, and then you go out in the August sun and it all melts? That.

12. "24 Swan Song"

Lana doesn't have conventional pets; she has 24 swans that are named after famous Hollywood actresses from the 1950s. Her favorite is Ava Gardner, but don't tell that to Kim Novak. She bites when she gets jealous.

13. "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood"

Five minutes and 49 seconds of indecipherable sobbing.

In all honesty, though, I can't wait to get my hands on Honeymoon. After all, I am a Brooklyn baby.

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