Britney Jean Spears has taught us fans a lot of things over the years: to be ourselves, that our deepest style dreams include several crop tops and a snake as a shawl, and, sometimes, how to get down and dirty. Her lyrics range from pretty simple and solid to the wacky, weird, and absurd and somewhere in that spectrum fall the Britney Spears lyrics that are basically how-to guides for sex. And why shouldn't she share her doing-the-deed knowledge with us via song? I bet she knows what she's doing when it comes to sex, so maybe she just wants to give back to her fans with some tips and tricks.
Sometimes she uses cheeky innuendo — "If U Seek Amy" is the best song when it comes to being coy, and maybe ever. (If you don't know what it actually is trying to say by now, you'll never know.) But Spears is also great when she's explicit about sex, and also, surprisingly helpful. And I would just like to take this opportunity to say that I'm proud of a sex-positive Britney, who once had to deal with the public debating whether or not she lost her virginity to Justin Timberlake.
In honor of the legendary woman, here are seven Spears lyrics that you can use as how-to sex manual.
1. "Inside Out" From Femme Fatale (2011)
"Inside Out" is a very forward, aggressive bop from Spears — and I love it. "Inside Out" tells the tale of Brit and a dude she's trying to get rid of having some super hot makeup sex. I'm not a doctor, but I'm endorsing Spears' suggestion in this one. The tip to take away is: if you feel like it's a healthy choice, why not have one more for the road with your boo who you're tired of? Also, great advice from the first verse: "I gotta look my best if we're gonna break up." That's a power move right there.
2. "I'm A Slave 4 U" From Britney (2001)
OMG. Do you remember when the video for this song dropped? It was SCANDALOUS. And incredible. Sex tip lyrics: "I really wanna dance tonight with you/ I really want to do what you want me to." The takeaway: Use dancing as an aphrodisiac, at least if you're trying to get Britney in bed. If you're trying to woo an incredibly awkward introvert, this might not be the way to go.
3. "Gimme More" From Blackout (2007)
OK, first of all, what a song this is. What a goddamn song. Its name and its repetitive lyrics "gimme gimme more" are a sexual mantra. The how-to tips: "Gimme gimme more gimme more gimme gimme more," of course, but also, a little voyeurism never hurts, and Spears is always down to give the house a show.
4. "Get Naked (I Got A Plan)" From Blackout (2007)
The takeaway sex tip here: Consent is very important. "I got a plan, we can do it just like you want it baby/ As long as you want it baby." See? It's only gonna go down when both parties consent in full. This song is extremely awkward to listen to in the company of older family members, though. Would not recommend.
5. "Work Bitch" From Britney Jean (2013)
"Work Bitch" is a deeply layered song and can be used as either general life advice or bedroom-specific advice. You want something? You better work. There's no such thing as a free lunch. I'll leave it to you to apply that to your sex life. Spears, who is no stranger to working hard to get to the next level, tells us sagely: "No time to quit now, just time to get it now/ Pick up with I'm putting down." If you can't find a sexual partner that can keep up with your learning curve, maybe it's time to find someone that will work, bitch.
6. "Touch Of My Hand" From In The Zone (2003)
The advice here, obviously: Masturbate. Often!
7. "3" From The Singles Collection (2009)
Of course, this song eclipses all of the sexuality in all of Brit Brit's other dirty songs, and its boldness is impressive. Spears released "3" as part of her singles collection, and it didn't take long before the world was collectively like, "Wait, did Britney just release a song that is very blatantly about a threesome?" You bet your butt she did. It includes such sound and handy tips like, "Living in sin is the new thing, are you in?/ I'm counting." If there's anything to take away from this song as a how-to tip, it's to free yourself from all the slut-shaming attitudes ingrained in your by the world. And also, have a threesome or two. Or three.
Maybe if Brit ever retires from the music business, she can start her own sex-advice column.
Want even more sex tips? Check out Bustle's sex and relationships podcast, I Want It That Way, below!