So here’s the absolute worst thing ever: You meet some, you hit it off, you think they’re hilarious, you spend so much time together, you have sex… And it’s terrible. Like, attraction-killing bad. But you still think they’re awesome! And you want to see where it can go! Or, on the other hand, maybe you’ve been having sex with someone for a while now but it’s just kind of… meh. Everything else is pretty awesome but the sex just isn’t living up to your dreams of banging down the house. Really, will the sex get better?
In some cases, it’s better to just call it quits. For example, if you have a very specific kink and your sex partner throws up every time they even think about it? Sorry, but there’s no way to make that one work, sweetheart. Or maybe, no matter how many nice prompts you’ve given, they still kiss you like a Saint Bernard. If they’re not open to constructive feedback, it might be time to give up hope.
But there are plenty of other signs that the terrible or just-not-so-great sex will, in fact, get better! If you recognize any of these with your current boo, don’t give up hope just yet.
1. You’re Talking About It
Talking about bad sex can be hella awkward but if you don’t talk about it, it’s not going to get better. If both of you are willing to hash it out, it’s much, much more likely that things will get better. Use a lot of “I” statements (like, “I love it when you touch me there” or “I really don’t like…”). If things are really bad, you might want to sit down and have a conversation about it but you can also work into the sex you’re having with dirty talk.
2. Things Are Already Getting Better
Maybe the badness is just because you’re not used to each other yet. Sometimes it takes a while to get into a rhythm with a new partner. The more you have sex, the better you get to know each other. If things are already improving incrementally, chances are they’ll continue to improve. Just give it a little time.
3. You’re Still Getting Off
Still having orgasms? Lea Rose Emery points out that orgasming is a “strong foundation” to build a good sex life on top of. I mean, if nothing else, it’s always a good sign that something is going right.
4. They’re Enthusiastic
Sometimes bad sex is just a result of lack of experience and if there’s one thing newbies have in spades, it’s enthusiasm. If your partner is lacking finesse but it still really excited about sex, help them channel that energy into being better at it. We’ve all gotta learn somewhere, right?
5. You’re Both Willing To Learn
A willingness to learn is essential for any sexual relationship to work. If you’re both down to learn not only about each other but about sex in general, chances are things are going to get better. How could they not?
6. You’re Both Committed To Making It Better
Similarly, if you’ve both acknowledged that things aren’t as good as they could be and you’ve both committed to making things better, they probably will. You’ll discover quickly, however, if the problems are a fundamental lack of attraction or compatibility. And if that happens? It might be time to say goodbye.
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