There's a new website providing support to those who have been affected by the Ashley Madison hack. Aiming to support those who have been cheated on and have been unfaithful, part of ItsCheating.com provides a range of advice about the hack as well as a phone number to call. No matter how you feel about the site, or cheating generally, according to the website, "two people recently committed suicide directly related to the Ashley Madison hack," and that is clearly not what anyone wants.
In addition to links to helpful books, self-tests and other resources, Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, therapist, and expert on digitally driven intimacy disorders, cheating, porn and sex addiction, and Senior Vice President of Clinical Development for Elements Behavioral Health is available to answer your questions on the site.
The FAQs point people towards couples' counseling, and warns not to jump right to divorce, as well as how to deal with children if you have them. I would argue that there's a bit of a cookie cutter one-size-fits all advice, when I would think that a lot varies from couple to couple, but general thoughts like counseling and "Don't make any decisions for 30 days" certainly seem to be solid advice for most. There is also a skew toward sex addition, probably because that's this guy's bread and butter, although I'm sure it does affect some of those involved.
I spoke to Weiss to get a better idea of his website and what advice he puts forth. One of the biggest issues was returning to sex after infidelity. Weiss tells Bustle:
"Why have sex with someone you don't trust? Trust is not built via sex. And in these cases where there is great anger and mistrust and fear of abandonment all around — sex is more of a short term fix than a move toward healing. These couples are best to move toward sensuality and intimacy rather than sex — and even then, not likely right now. Spouses need to be angry and hurt. The cheater needs to feel badly, see what they have to lose and find ways to understand and discuss the choices they have made. Sex complicates all of that in the beginning."
Want to learn more? Here are a few of the helpful tips from the site:
1. Don't Run To A Lawyer
According to the site, "Divorce lawyers are already talking about an 'uptick in business' while most couples are simply trying to get through the day. They're in need of good counseling rather than some quick, final solution." Divorce may definitely be the right answer in some cases, but that does seem like a shockingly quick turn around.
2. Find A Therapist Who Knows Their Sh*t
More than just pointing to a generic therapist, the site recommends "people trained to help specifically with cheating, infidelity and intimacy disorders."
3. The List Doesn't Necessarily Mean What You Think It Means
There's a lot of hubbub about whether or not you're on "the list" of users or emails, which means "some with little to hide, but nonetheless 'on the list' are anxious and hypervigilant about being 'found out.'" It's important to figure what actually happened, rather than just a matching email address.
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