5 Things That Can Kill Passion In A Relationship, And How To Avoid Them

It’s easy to have passion in the beginning of a new relationship. Even if you're not that couple who is all over each other all the time, it's not usually hard to keep things sexy. But sometimes that changes, and fast. It's important to spot things that can kill passion in a relationship so you can deal with them when the spark starts to fade. Of course, this isn't the case for all couples, but it certainly happens. The reality is that you have to work at keeping the affection alive. As a Matchmaker for It’s Just Lunch Seattle, I know that putting energy into your relationship is key to a successful one.

If those romantic dates are now looking like TV dinners on the couch, don’t expect things to stay romantic in the bedroom either. It may not seem fun to put work into making a relationship passionate, but it's necessary. And while some relationships are meant to fizzle up and force you both to move on, others can be easily fixed by changing everyday habits — there’s watching the passion slowly go out the window, and then there’s pushing it out the door. There are some things we do inadvertently that negatively affect the desire between you and your partner. (And don’t think I’m going to say anything about farting or burping. You can still do all of that and have a crazy hot passionate romance.)

Here are the things that could bringing the hotness level down to a zero.

1. Environment Gone Wrong

So let’s say you want to get down and dirty with your partner. You move your way to the bedroom and start kissing on the bed — and oh wait, what is this? A handful of crumbs and a bag of chips. Oh, how lovely. Except not so much. Make sure if you want a night of sexiness that the environment is sexy as well. Nothing says “make love to me” than a nice clean bed.

2. Rejecting Your Partner

Being rejected in general is difficult, but being rejected in bed can be even harder on people. Make sure to tread lightly if your partner is coming on to you and you really aren’t in the mood. You have every right to say no to sex and there is no point in forcing yourself to do anything you're not 100 percent into, but it's considerate to be extra sensitive when telling your partner “another night.”

3. Being Super Negative

Making negative comments to your significant other or making them feel judged isn’t going to help your relationship at all. It’s certainly not going to help in the sexual department either. Being intimate with your partner is all about putting yourself out there and being vulnerable. Therefore, if your lover feels good about himself/herself, that will be reflected in your sex life. If you’re being extra judgmental and your girlfriend or boyfriend now feels insecure, the likelihood of him/her wanting to be sexual isn’t that high. So turns those negatives into a positive and start making your partner feel good about himself/herself.

4. Not Working For The Passion

Passion doesn’t just happen. In order to have a hot and heavy night of action, it has to start someone. It doesn’t just get hot out of nowhere. Sometimes people forget to ignite it. They jump from A to Z, and miss all the fun letters in between. If you are just expecting your significant other to want to jump your bones without a warmup first, you’ve got it all wrong. Working your way up to the good stuff is often the best part.

5. Being Too Hard On Yourself

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Confidence is sexy. And if you really don't feel confident, don't worry too much — we've all been there, and there are ways to feel better about yourself right now. But during sex, you should allow yourself to be in the moment rather than in your head about any insecurities you might have. It's important to talk to your SO about your insecurities openly, but having that conversation during intimate moments will probably not ignite the passion between the two of you. Instead, talk to your partner about your issues in another setting, or seek out a therapist or friend who can help you. If you're with the right person (or just a decent human being in general), your partner loves you for you, insecurities at all.

Being in a relationship is not always easy. It can be fun, exciting, and very sexy, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't put in some work every now and then — especially when that work means you might reignite your sex life.

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