Miss Piggy & Kermit Were Dunzo Way Before Denise

by Caitlyn Callegari

As a flawed, misogynistic society, we always blame the other woman. But how could we possibly fault the unsuspecting Denise the Pig, when Miss Piggy and Kermit have almost been broken up for a month in the first place? Muppet fans, it's hard to accept, I know. If the Muppets promo Entertainment Weekly released is any indication, it's clear that Missy Piggy and Kermit were not going to get back together. At least, not any time soon. And blaming Denise, Kermit's new friend is the absolute wrong way to go about it. (Unless, you know, she starts throwing shots at M.P., and then we're going to have some problems.)

The thing is, Missy Piggy and Kermit are two innately different muppets. Sure, they've made the opposites attract thing seemingly work for years, but, guys, maybe they just got tired. Maybe they need some time to explore the world on their own. See other pigs. A Hemsworth brother or two. Maybe even a Fozzie Bear. I hate to say it, but there are plenty other frogs in the sea, and, if Kermit's cool with Denise, despite saying they're just friends (sure, Kermit), then perhaps this is just the opportunity Piggy needs to expand her horizons. Join Tinder. Maybe even put an OK Cupid profile up.

Whatever their future plans are, here are the reasons they were not going to reconcile after their breakup, regardless of Piggy's protestations and Denise entering the picture.

1. Miss Piggy Has Always Had Wandering Eye

It's Hollywood. The temptation is rampant.

2. And Flaunted Her Flirtations In Front Of Kermit's Face

I mean, she could have been more discreet about it. Unless, maybe they had an open relationship?

3. Miss Piggy Craves Emotional Honesty That Kermit Didn't Deliver

Love is patient. Love is kind.

4. Kermit Would Rather Sweep Their Problems Under The Rug Just To Prevent A Fight

As they say, communication is key.

5. Kermit Didn't Always Know How To Speak Up For Himself

Miss Piggy does, though.

6. And, Would Passive Aggressively Release His Frustrations

That kind of behavior gets you absolutely nowhere. Except maybe a night on an uncomfortable couch.

7. You Never Have To Guess What's On Miss Piggy's Mind, Though

There's a true merit to this way of being.

8. That Said, Kermit Recently Came Into A Lot Of Fame And Notoriety

Memes, man.

9. And, Miss Piggy Apparently Didn't Take To It So Well

Let us pray for Kerry Washington.

10. Especially, Because He's Been A Little Too Comfortable Discussing Their Private Lives In The Media

Where was all that chutzpah before, Kermy? Hm?!

11. But, Most Importantly, It Appears That The Break Up Has Done Them Good

They both seem a lot happier this way.

Guys, I hope this will help you come to terms with the breakup, and help you to redirect your hate for Denise into a more productive, positive energy. Like getting Miss Piggy and Kermit's Twitter accounts verified.

Images: Giphy (8)