12 Thoughts You Have On A Bad First Date


Though there are times when you should definitely give someone a second chance, there are some dates that are so drastically terrible that nothing can really save the evening. And more often than not, you know that the date won’t be great from the moment you see them and they open their mouth for the first time. It’s OK, we’ve all had an awful first date… a few times. I’ve tried my best to black out and forget the ones that were traumatizing but I still remember the guy who cried on our first date over his ex-girlfriend. And the one who told me he thought it should be a national law that women must shave their legs, pits, and pubic hair… (nope, he wasn’t joking, I asked). There was also that one who told me within the first five minutes that he was going through a divorce, at 26, and really wanted to get laid that night because his wife had been a, um, ‘wet noodle.’

Yep, some real winners out there.

But hey, they say you have to get through the really terrible to get to the really good. If your next let’s-meet-for-drinks evening is disappointing, let these thoughts remind you that you’re not the only one who wasted another Thursday night on a dud. (And, if you're not sure if you should go on the date on the first place, check out this helpful flowchart).

1. It’s 6 p.m. You’re about to leave work. You really, really don’t want to go on the date. Doesn’t binge-watching and wine sound so much better? Yes, yes it does.

2. OK fine. I guess I’ll go. But PLEASE, PLEASE don't be creepy and look a little bit like your Tinder pics. K?

3. Oh no. That can’t be my date. No way. NO WAY. OH NO.

4. Yeah, yeah, nice to ‘finally’ meet you too. How am I going to sit through this date and act casual? Oh right — wine. More wine, please.

5. OK, I’m going to put on a happy face. Let’s ask them some questions so I don’t have to talk very much.

6. It’s been 10 minutes. We have nothing left to talk about it. This is scary.

7. Did they really just say that they’re voting for Donald Trump?

8. Wait, they’re touching my knee. No way. Hands off, jerk.

9. Ugh. Talking about their pet goldfish again. I’m so bored.

10. Thank you sweet bartender for asking if we wanted another round. We don’t. I’m going to tip you so hard.

11. Yeah, yeah, this was fun. Sure, sure let’s do it again. Please don’t kiss me.

12. I’m FREEEEEE. Never going on a date or Tinder again.

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