Brace yourself, because it looks like the Lyons are coming to the Emmys. On Tuesday, it was announced that Taraji P. Henson and Terrence Howard will be Emmys presenters, joining the first wave of celebrities in the position at the 67th Annual Emmy Awards, and we can almost taste the hilarious Empire skit they'll be acting out with help from the teleprompter. Seeing the two of them will be amazing and all, but I feel as though the ceremony would be a lot better off if we just had Henson do the entire Emmys proceedings in-character as Cookie Lyon.
OK, it sounds like a terrible idea to give Cookie that much power, but let's think it over. First of all, Henson is already nominated for a best actress in a drama series Emmy, so there would be interesting string-pulling and/or murder along the way. I mean, she's a dangerous, complicated lady at the center of an almost Shakespearean firestorm, and maybe that's exactly what the Emmys need. Lord knows they're not as in-your-face shocking as the VMAs, or emotionally weighted as the Oscars. The Emmys would definitely do well with some Cookie dramatics.
Sadly, I can't manifest that into existence, but I can dream. And here are several things that would definitely happen if Cookie hosted the Emmy Awards.
1. Pre-Show Red Carpet Coverage With Thick Judgement
When we lost Joan Rivers, we lost cutting sass and honesty at award shows. And, although it's technically beneath her, Cookie would be perfect for bringing that honesty back. My advice? Don't come wearing a tasteful scarlet sheath dress, because Cookie will serve you some hard shade, straight to your face, and straight to TV sets all across America.
2. Multiple Outfit Changes
Honestly, Miley Cyrus can eat it. There would be gigantic door knocker hoop ears, leopard print galore, and at least one or two coats made from sheer polar bear. Cookie would exhaust every resource in her spangly closet, and it would be the stuff of legends.
"Instigator" is a strong word, but I think it's fair to say that chaos follows the Cookie. Let's just say that, if you're Claire Danes or Tatiana Maslany, and you won the best actress award, I would just stay seated. Or run. Either.
4. More-Or-Less Rigged Wins
I guess it's fair to argue that award shows are already more-or-less rigged, but Cookie would take the whole thing to the next level. I'm not saying that Empire doesn't deserve a best drama Emmy. I'm just saying the win would be suspicious considering it's not nominated.
5. Out-Of-Nowhere Jamal Performance
She doesn't care that it's not a music award show. It's a big power move, and you need all the power you can get if you're going to reign over an empire.
6. Inspirational Award Acceptance Speeches... By Cookie Herself
Cookie does not care that you've been dreaming of this moment ever since you were a small town girl from John's Beard, Nebraska. Cookie went from a hood wife, to a convict, to a fabulous exiled queen shrouded in fuzzy violet coats. What's more inspirational than that?
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