18 years ago, I heard Spice Girls song “Naked” for the very first time. I remember the moment vividly: When I heard the line "Don't be afraid to stare, she is only naked," I nervously turned down the volume knob on my boombox. What if someone hears me listening to this? As far as my child brain was concerned, it was the dirtiest piece of music on the planet. I mean, hello, it was a song about a man and a woman and being in the buff. I was a kid, but I had enough sense to piece together what this ode to the act of getting nude was more than likely about. (And it's all thanks to that Showgirls swimming pool scene!) (Calm down, I'm totally kidding. I didn’t see Showgirls until, like, a year ago. My parents were chill, but they weren’t let-a-child-watch-an-NC-17-movie-chill.) What could POSSIBLY be dirtier than that?!
A few years later (i.e., when I was a wise old teen), I not only realized that “Naked” is not the most suggestive song on the planet, but it also hit me that it is not the most suggestive Spice Girls song. (Heck, it isn't even the most suggestive song on Spice. Not even close.) The best-selling female pop group of all time sang about sex a lot. Bless 'em. Forever my heroes.
Here are some Spice Girls lyrics that are waaaaay dirtier than any "Naked" lyric:
1. "Be a little bit wiser baby, put it on, put it on/'Cause tonight is the night when two become one" — “2 Become 1”
Everyone knows this one by now, right? Hey, kudos to the Spice Girls for promoting safe sex.
2. "Now you're standin' real close to me/I feel your heat, you wanna get with me/Wink wink, nudge nudge, tell me do you like the rude stuff?" — “If You Wanna Have Some Fun”
Wink wink, nudge nudge, can someone please spell out what “the rude stuff” means? I just want to make sure we're all on the same page here.
3. "We can go all night long/Doing things you thought you would never do/I won't tell nobody/I won't tell anyone, what we do its just for me and you/So come and play my game" — “Holler”
4. "Come a little bit closer, baby/Get it on, get it on/'Cause tonight is the night when two become one" — "2 Become 1”
This one is about as subtle as the royal blue eyeshadow the Spice Girls wore to the 1997 VMAs.
5. "Wherever you're going, high or low/Remember to sure enjoy the show/So climb aboard my journey deep inside/Better late than dead on time/Ooh, it's you I know that you have got to feed, yeah, yeah/Ooh, don't take from me more than you really need/More than you really need" — “Somethin’ Kinda Funny”
I don't even know where to begin with this one.
6. "Let me tell ya/'Bout the night I wanna have/Gonna show ya/How you're gonna make it last/Are you ready?/When I'm takin' it too fast/Just for me, what I need/And release a part of me" — "Get Down With Me"
"And release a part of me" is an interesting turn of phrase.
7. "I wanna make you holler and hear you scream my name/I'll give you rules to follow so you can play my game" — “Holler”
Nope, these lyrics are not sung from a Jenga game's POV. Great guess, though!
8. "Well, my dear, you'll know that he pleases me, pleases me" — “Too Much”
9. "We got it up and down to it, like the dirty bass in the music/I got my major chords strummin'/Took some time and then we're really buzzin'" — “Last Time Lover”