8 Things You Need To Know Before You Date Someone Who Loves To Be Alone
All hail that #IntrovertLifestyle. The truth is that most of us are more ambiverted than we are outgoing or internally motivated. Most people go back and forth between being happy and motivated by those around them and needing some time to cool off, reprogram, and just chill.
"Alone time" isn't really something that's been valued in society. We're a tribal species; we like to flock in groups, like families. And if not family, then friendship, or some other form of community. It's different to want to be alone. And for a lot of people, solitude more represents loneliness and isolation than it does mental health and reflection.
But we aren't just any animals — we're animals that are aware of ourselves. This means that while, sure, our survival instincts want us to remain "within the group," our minds and psyches know that there's more to the picture. And to really thrive in this world, one must put a premium on their mental stability and whatever it takes to maintain it. Here all the things you should know before you enter the world of someone who loves to be alone (and especially if, eek, you're ready to fall in love with them, too).
Alone Time, To Us, Is A Mental/Emotional Necessity
It's not just a preference; it's like a mental "reboot" period. We need to be able to process and relax. It's the only way we function. It's not a luxury. It's a necessity.
We're Typically Very Intuitive And Very Empathetic
Both of those things come with their own host of issues and benefits, but mostly what you need to know is that we're generally sensitive, sometimes to a fault (but damn if we don't make the best partners who are super aware of you and your needs).
It's Not You (Seriously)
When we say we need to be alone, it's because we want to be alone, not that we want to be away from you. There's a huge difference, and it's really important that you understand it.
We'll Get Protective Of Our Independence If It Starts To Feel Threatened
Sometimes, even by our own doing, we'll get wrapped up in what other people want or feeling bad about excusing ourselves from social situations. But most of the time, what tends to happen is that people just try to impose themselves as much as possible, as they think that will better foster a relationship and connection. But that's not true. It's about allowing us the time we need by ourselves. When we know you're okay with it, we feel more free to take it, and when we feel more free to take it, we don't feel the need to overextend our solitude or get protective.
We Need You To Be Just As Independent
For any relationship to work, there has to be a degree of balance in its core tenants. One of these is how much time you want to spend together. It usually works best if we date someone who is equally independent.
It's Not "What We Put First" — It's How We Balance The Many Things That Come First At Different Times
It's not that we put ourselves first, while other people put their relationships first. We all put different things first at different times. It's about what we prioritize, how often, and how we balance it all.
We're Not "Flighty" — We Desire Adventure, And We Don't Want To Settle
The most insulting thing you can say is that we're "flighty" or closed off. The truth is that we are "flighty and closed off" so we can be connected to ourselves and to others. People who like to be alone are often very introspective, and people who are very introspective are often very interested in making the most out of life. This isn't always the case, but it is the majority of the time.
After A Day Alone, We'll Probably Call You With A Host Of Revelations We've Had
We're happy to share with you the fruits of our six-hour Netflix binge or all the personal reflection we did at a coffee shop (which is cliche, but painfully accurate). We want to share our lives with you, but we also want to maintain our lives on our own terms. There's a difference, and a lot of people will argue that understanding it is also the root of understanding how to make love work for real.
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Images: CBS; Giphy