If you're aware of this little election thing going on right now, you probably know that it's kind of important or something. According to a Rasmussen report from the 2012 cycle, only 37 percent of Americans followed that election closely. It's possible that the other 63 percent were probably busy watching The Big Bang Theory and following the news through celebrity tabloids, which is a little worrisome considering the presidential election, you know, decides your next president. You don't have to read every piece of coverage that comes out on the 2016 election, but here's a convincing case for why you should watch the next GOP debate.
If you're completely unfamiliar with what's been happening on the Republican side — I find this pretty much impossible with Donald Trump in the race, it must be said — here's a summary: Trump has trolled all of America by leading in the polls despite being the Angelica Pickles of the GOP; Jeb Bush was primed to be the front-runner but can't seem to gain enough ground to put him ahead; surgeon turned politician Ben Carson has also surprised the public by surging in the polls; Rick Perry dropped out less than three months after announcing; but Carly Fiorina is expected to shake the field up by debating on the primetime stage. In a nutshell: nothing makes sense anymore, and anything — literally anything — can happen in this election cycle.
If that's still not enough to convince you to watch the second GOP debate on Wednesday night, then here are 12 specific reasons that should get you pumped.
Two Words: Donald Trump
He might think that he's a legit politician, but he's wrong. He's actually a one-man trainwreck that thinks it's speeding toward victory but is actually barreling toward a monumental derailment. He's like the Joffrey Baratheon of the election cycle (yes, in addition to Angelica Pickles) and we're all watching captivated, not because he moves us, but because he revolts us and we're all waiting for the moment he's killed off. Either way, we can't look away.
And you can expect him to make some colorful comments and pull some unorthodox behavior during the next debate, just like he did in the last one.
Fiorina Could Put Trump In His Place
Just as we derived pleasure every time Tommy and the gang outsmarted Angelica to foil her evil plans, many of us will surely rejoice if Fiorina is able to brilliantly shut Trump down. So far, she's been arguably the most successful candidate to handle Trump's vitriol. Here's hoping Fiorina renders Trump speechless for once in his life. Angels would sing.
More Eye Rolls From Rand Paul
Perhaps he was peeved about getting the least amount of debate time, but Rand Paul was acting like a pouty child during the first debate. He even rolled his eyes when Chris Christie started talking about 9/11 — talk about catty! With 11 debaters in Wednesday's lineup, Paul could get even less screen time. Cue the eye rolls.
Chris Christie's Dad Dance
Hey, you never know! Christie could surprise us all and spontaneously bust out his dad dance, which, by the way, is just wonderful. I mean, it would be the best way to cut tension if things get heated.
Snarky Jabs Between Candidates
This is almost a given, especially with Trump involved. Remember his little swipe at Paul ("You're having a tough time tonight")? Expect more nuggets like that.
Ben Carson Holds A Live Neurosurgery Demonstration
OK, this isn't likely, but hear me out. Instead of answering questions with the usual spiel about experience, qualifications, blah blah blah, Carson should just say, "Why should I be president?" And then perform brain surgery. Then he should drop the scalpel and walk off stage.
I'm hoping here that he won't actually get to say anything at all.
Tension Between The Candidates (Read: Trump) And The Moderators
CNN's Jake Tapper will moderate the debate while conservative radio host Hugh Hewitt and CNN Chief Political Correspondent Dana Bash will take turns asking questions. The debate hasn't happened yet, but Trump already has beef with Hewitt, whom he called a "third-rate radio announcer." So the stage is set for the two to exchange some barbs.
Rand Paul's Grandma Hair Bouncing
In addition to his eye rolls, it's equally fun to watch his curls bounce when he gets especially impassioned.
Mike Huckabee Making Really Inappropriate Abortion Analogies
In the first debate, Huckabee suggested that Planned Parenthood was selling fetus parts "like they're parts to a Buick." What's he going to compare abortion to in this debate? Build-A-Bear?
Scott Walker's Nodding And Man Crush
During the first debate, the camera frequently caught Scott Walker enthusiastically nodding every time Carson answered a question. Viewers can look forward to two things on Wednesday: more nodding from Walker and the continued bromance between him and Carson.
John Kasich Redefining The GOP
The most touching moment of the first primetime debate, at least for me, was when John Kasich revealed his support for marriage equality, saying, "Just because they don’t think the same way doesn’t mean we shouldn't love them." Here's hoping Kasich will continue to set himself apart from the GOP crowd by offering a more tolerant alternative.
Jeb Bush Coming Out Of Left Field
The younger Bush brother's performance in the first debate was widely considered unmemorable, and Trump has accused him of having "low energy." Desperate to make an impression, maybe Bush will go all out on Wednesday. Maybe he'll drop an F bomb on live TV, maybe he'll challenge Marco Rubio to a rap battle, or maybe he'll punch Trump in the face. I don't condone violence, but I would certainly tweet the latter.