FOX's new horror/comedy series Scream Queens premieres Tuesday, Sept. 22 at 8 p.m. for a special two-hour grand entrance into our television lives. It also promises to delight us every Tuesday thereafter at 9 p.m. Its first season will center around a fictional sorority house, Kappa Kappa Tau, and their viciously evil leader Chanel Oberlin, played by the always amazing Emma Roberts. With a cast as packed with stars as this one, there is no need to wonder whether this series will thrive. Jamie Lee Curtis, Lea Michele, Abigail Breslin, Niecy Nash, Nick Jonas, and Ariana Grade all round out the cast of over the top characters. Coming out of the creative mind of Ryan Murphy, who created hits like Glee and American Horror Story, the gruesomely campy hilarity will follow American Horror Story 's anthology model, so each fresh season will bring new themes. But how many episodes of Scream Queens will there be in Season 1?
Appropriately, given the number's sinister connotations, there will be 13 episodes in Scream Queens' rookie season. Since Season 1 is set in a sorority house, which is a horror favorite, there are a few classic slasher moments that simply need to be included. I think 13 episodes will provide more than enough time to include some of these classic horror/sorority tropes that we all love so much.
A Girl Must Run Up The Stairs
Given the option of the front door or a set of stairs that leads to nowhere that she can conceivably hide, she will choose the stairs. This is a fact. This will definitely lead to her being found by the killer, who was waiting upstairs all along. Sorority house slasher flick 101: Always choose the front door.
Someone Will Fall When Trying To Run Away
There is always an inconvenient root sticking out of a seemingly flat landscape or the character running decides that aerodynamics are lame and turns around to look at their assailant while running. This always leads to them eating the dirt and then struggling to get up before the killer can corner them.
Someone Will Call, "Who's There?" In Response To An Unsavory Noise
It doesn't make any sense, but the classic horror response to any creepy noise is always, "who's there?"Do they want a response? Do they think an armed madman is going to just say, "Yup! It's me, Steve! Just here to stab you!" In a sorority house filled with young students, I'm sure there will be plenty of noises that can elicit this scene.
There Will Be No Cell Reception
We live in a world where without cell phone reception, you are up a creek without a paddle. No one knows how to survive anymore without their smartphone. Without fail, every horror movie star will find themselves suddenly and inexplicably sans cell phone service, so I suggest the Kappa sisters come up with a back-up plan.
Someone Will Ignore Warnings Of A Serial Killer On The Loose
There will always be some loose cannon who ignores the warnings that there is a crazy serial killer running around. That person will also fail to take any precautions, because they don't listen to society, man. I can't tell who will fill this role on Scream Queens, but it has to go to someone.
Someone Will Walk Into A Room Without Turning On The Light
Right in the midst of the slasher filled chaos, someone will walk into a pitch black room and fail to turn on any source of illumination while calling out "hello?" A light switch, a box of matches, an old-timey lantern, and possibly even the sun will all be available to this person, yet they will choose to go it alone in the dark.
Someone Will Get Thrown From A Balcony
Sorority houses always have balconies, it's like science. And without fail, that girl that ran up the stairs instead of running out the front door will run all the way to the balcony. Killers can't resist poetry, and that moment is always very poetic as a victim falls in slow motion.
Which of these classic slasher/sorority tropes will Scream Queens bring to TV? We'll have to tune into all 13 episodes of Season 1 to find out, and see how Ryan Murphy puts his own unique twists on them.
Images: Skip Bolen/FOX; Giphy (7)