Beyoncé's Winning Christmas, Album Promotion in Her Trip to WalMart
Beyoncé's self-titled new album/the biggest music surprise of the year will not be sold in Target stores. So what does Beyoncé do to remind major corporations the benefits of orbiting in the Beyuniverse? Why, go to a store that IS selling the album —WalMart — and buy a copy of Beyoncé for herself before handing out over $37,000 worth of gift cards. It's a Merry Beyoncé Christmas, everyone! Queen/King/Eternal Life Bringer/Universal Deity/Pop Star Beyoncé stopped by a WalMart in Tewksbury, Massachussetts Friday night to purchase her own album and spread the yuletide cheer. And like any good public figure, Beyonceé made sure to bring goodies for all the unsuspecting boys and girls of Tweksbury, which added up to 750 gift cards totaling $37,500 (which means everybody got a $50 gift card) — certainly not pocket change.
Though it's probably only a slice of what her record label would've spent on promotional and marketing materials for Beyoncé if she'd released it the traditional way — only this does far more good for her on the image front (while also doing some good for the people who were probably really excited and grateful for those cards). Beyoncé is promoting her album like a politician runs for reelection — and it's sort of brilliant.
I mean, just look at these photos that she posted to Facebook: who run the world, indeed, y'all.
"Oh, Look! A Jewelry Organizer. Blue Ivy Could Use One of Those."
When you’re Beyoncé, the most important thing about shopping at a WalMart is treating it like you’re a political figure making a statement. Look at all of these things that people call “stuff” and spend money on!
Treating WalMart as your political dais also means that picking up small, adorable children and cooing at them is sometimes involved.
"Sometimes People Buy Food Here!"
Spoiler Alert: Blue Ivy Christmas Edition
Serious Question: do you think she’ll give those toys to Blue Ivy for Christmas this year? (Trick Question: they’re going to charity because Beyoncé always gives back! And everybody knows Blue Ivy doesn’t do toys — she does luxe, mini-haute couture.)
Eye on The Prize
Gabriel's Having the Best Day Ever
In the future, Tewksbury WalMart manager Gabriel’s friends will rue this day, particularly while driving those 30 brutal minutes it takes for him to tell the story while driving down 93 to Boston on their way to Rumor.
Look at how good she is at feigning surprise over being asked to use her most beautiful vocal chords in public, amplified. You’d think she didn’t already do that every night for a living or something!
"And You Get a Gift Card! And You Get a Gift Card!"
“My Name is Beyoncé and I would like to out-Oprah Oprah right now with you all. Is that cool?”
Can Someone Grab a Mop?
“Hello? I think we’re going to need a clean up at the registers. Everybody’s pissed themselves.”