Entertainment website Media Takeout is causing parents to lose their damn minds this week, thanks to a video the site posted on Facebook of a woman reading the mock-children's book called Do You Want to Play With My Balls? The clip, which has now been viewed over 10 million times, was posted along with this breathless comment, which set off quite a bit of hysteria: "DISTURBING VIDEO: This Is A REAL Children's Book ... Being Sold To CHILDREN ... Parents PLEASE Make Sure That Your SCHOOL Isn't Using This BOOK!! (Wow ... They Are Really Trying To INDOCTRINATE Kids)" I mean, I'm exhausted just reading that.
"This is an actual children's book," the woman explains in the video as she begins to read it. Slowly flipping through the pages, she reads each hilariously inappropriate line aloud as she goes, starting with this dialog: "'Hey Louie! Do you want to play with my balls?' 'Sure Chuck! I can hold your ball sack so it won't drag on the ground.' 'Wow! Your balls are so big, I can't even fit them in my mouth!'" This is the point at which I, a reasonable, level-headed person, stopped and said to myself, "Nope. There's no way that's an actual children's book. The first page, mayyyybe. The second is not impossible, I guess. But balls in the mouth? Just no." You're probably right there with me. Some people on Facebook are not on the same page as us, however.
The post has been shared over 200,000 times, and it seems like a lot of commenters aren't in on the joke:
Although some were still oddly supportive:
Fortunately, if you're looking for a real children's book that's inappropriate (or at the very least, just slightly off), there's no shortage of them.
It Wasn't Me, I Swear
This Is Just Simple Biology
... Any Volunteers?
This One's Really More Of A Puppies' Book
There's So Much Wrong Here
Not In Front Of The Baby!
I Mean, The Name Is Just Confusing
Shh, My Kid Still Doesn't Know!
Surely, Not Everything?
In closing: Reading is evil. Please keep your children away from books.