11 Weed Hacks For The Resourceful Stoner
As fun as smoking weed can be, every frequent stoner knows that getting high isn't always as simple as we would like it to be. Grinders go missing, pipes break, cotton mouth will always try to wreck your make-out sessions, and lighters that were accounted for while you were grinding, packing, and/or rolling always seem to vanish the second you're ready to take that first puff. On top of all of that, although our culture's misconceptions about marijuana have been slowly changing for the better in recent years, weed still isn't accepted in most places — so learning how to blaze with discretion is kind of essential, too.
Fortunately, though, despite the numerous stereotypes that would suggest otherwise, stoners can be pretty dang resourceful, (especially about their bud) so there are a lot of cool weed hacks that can make your whole high experience much simpler and even more enjoyable.
If you're a self-proclaimed marijuana enthusiast, then you already know there's a vast wealth of weed wisdom out there to aid you with even the most ridiculous of pot-related problems. But whether you're a weed genius, a weed novice, or somewhere in between (like myself) there are certain pot hacks that are simple enough for any smoker to take advantage of.
1. Use A Bobby Pin To Clean Ash Out Of Your Bowl & De-Clog Your Pipe
I can't even count how many times I've used one of my bobby pins to clean the ash out of a bowl or de-clog a pipe or a one-hitter. It's perfect, because if you're anything like me, you pretty much always have a bobby pin handy. The only downside to this hack is, if you need to de-clog your actual pipe instead of just your bowl, you'll have to straighten out (and thus ruin) your bobby pin to do it — but bobby pins are super cheap and incredibly effective at clearing passageways. So, if you're in a bind and have bobby pins to spare, give it a shot.
2. Keep Lip Balm With Your Weed Paraphernalia
As you undoubtedly already know, weed will dry you out fast, and not having access to lip balm when that happens (especially if you're trying to initiate a make-out session) can be pretty miserable. So consider keeping some lip balm wherever you keep all your weed stuff, and also try to remember to keep some in your handbag and/or pockets for when you're smoking away from home. That way, when cotton mouth turns your lips to sandpaper, the sweet, soothing solution will always be within your grasp.
Personally, I'd suggest a mint-flavored lip balm because it helps with dry lips, any unfortunate smoker's breath you might develop, and also just because you won't find a much tastier mixture than good bud and yummy mint.
3. ... And Sunglasses Too
You probably don't need me to tell you this, but sunglasses are essential if you've been daytime smoking and then have to go out in public. It's so much easier to relax and enjoy your high when you don't have to worry about your eyes looking too red or too low. Plus, UV rays are no joke. So, consider keeping a pair of shades in your handbag at all times.
4. Suck On Candy Or Mints While You Smoke
Personally, I'd give Jolly Ranchers a try — but pretty much any kind of candy or mint will work well, too. What you'll do is just pop the treat of your choice into your mouth while you're prepping your bowl/bong/joint/blunt/vape, suck on it until you can really taste all it's sweet and/or sour-y goodness, and then keep it in your cheek while you puff. It's indescribably delicious, and it will also help you combat both cotton mouth and the munchies.
5. Use A Clean Penny & A Pill Bottle As A Makeshift Grinder
Losing and/or misplacing your grinder sucks, but if you have access to a penny and any kind of pill bottle, it doesn't have to keep you from getting lifted. Clean the penny (or whatever coin you end up using) with rubbing alcohol first, (because money is notoriously gross) then drop a nugget or two in an empty pill bottle with the clean penny, pop the bottle's lid into place, and shake. Voila!
6. Smoke Before Meal Times
The munchies can be overpowering, but you can smoke pot without clearing your pantry or raiding your fridge, (if you consider that a bad thing). If you plan your highs around your meals, (particularly if you just wait to smoke until you're about to eat dinner) then you should be able to avoid the over-indulging that is often associated with smoking marijuana. The food will taste even more delicious, and you're actually likely to have a better sense of when you're full if you eat with a spirit of high mindfulness.
7. Keep A Back-Up Stash Somewhere Safe
I'm by no means suggesting you should go all Ilana Wexler and hide weed in your body cavities. Also, running out of weed really isn't that big of a deal unless you're using it strictly to treat a medical condition.
That said, it's still nice to have a back-up stash sometimes. Especially because, in true stoner fashion, you'll probably forget about it for a good while and then happen upon it at the most opportune time. (At least, that's how it usually works for me.) Just don't forget to store it well (mason jars are great) and keep it somewhere your pets and young relatives won't find it.
8. Make Your Own Bong Out Of A Plastic Bottle
OK, so I've never actually made my own DIY bong — but this awesome lady has, and she makes it look pretty easy. Plus, you know, we should really take advantage of any opportunity to reduce, reuse, and recycle.
9. Keep Lube Handy
While weed can actually make sex more enjoyable for many women, (in many cases it even makes orgasm easier to achieve) it can also cause vaginal dryness — so it's a good idea to keep lube handy if you're planning to bong and bang. Personally, I love lube, and would suggest using it whether you're having sex while drunk, high, or sober — but since "cotton vagina" is a real thing, and vaginal dryness is just the worst, you should for sure stay stocked up on lube if you and your partner like to smoke before having sex.
10. Create Your Own "Chill Out" Mantra For When You're Feeling Paranoid
Smoking weed rarely makes me feel paranoid, but I have gotten high and then freaked out super hard a couple of times — and because of those experiences, I now have a mantra to calm myself down. What I like to tell myself is this: "everything is exactly the same as it was five minutes ago — you're just high." Feel free to repeat this to yourself if you're ever feeling freaked out after getting high — or make up your own mantra.
11. Use A Drop Of Honey To Keep Joints From Burning Too Quickly
I've never tested this out myself, (mostly because I can't roll for sh*t) but evidently, if you rub a drop of honey over the skin of a rolled joint, it helps prevent said doobie from burning too quickly. Also, it probably smells and tastes delicious.