Sharing a bed with someone can be wonderful. It can mean that you just had the most amazing night out with your bestie and you both crashed in the same place. It can mean you love your S.O. so very much that you live together and go to bed together every night. It can mean that you're just starting out with sleepovers with someone you're dating, or maybe you're just having a one-night stand (either way, you're probably getting laid, which is a win). It's lovely to wake up next to someone you love, and nothing really beats morning sex, or laying in bed cuddling and giggling. But along with all the wonderful stuff about spending the night, there's some really gross stuff that happens when you share a bed with someone.
Farts, smelly breath, body odor — all the worst things about being human really rear their ugly little heads at bedtime. Add to that snoring, sleep-talking and sheet-stealing, and sleeping in the same bed as another human can be as traumatizing as it is rewarding. But we put up with all the crap because, of course, the alternative is sleeping alone. And a dozen Dutch ovens are more than worth a lonely bed. Here are six of the grossest things that happen when you share a bed with someone.
1. Night Rippers
What is it about night farts that makes them smell more like rotting animal carcass than daytime farts? When the person you're in bed with unconsciously lets rip, and you're wide awake, suffering alone in silence, you will rue the day you ever agreed to share your lavender-scented bed with such a giant fart machine.
2. Morning Breath
As previously noted, morning sex is great. That is, if both parties have already snuck out of bed to brush their teeth. Morning breath is the night fart of the face.
Little yellow pools of drool on your lovely white pillow cases will have you cringing. Drool might also appear in your hair or on your arm, or anywhere else your loved one has fallen asleep, open-mouthed, mid-cuddle.
Sharing a bed with someone means you do it in sickness and in health. That doesn't mean it's not totally disgusting to sleep next to someone who is in a pile of tissues of their own making, sputtering and coughing and snotting through the night. The only solace is knowing that they're going to make you sick and in turn have to endure the same grossness you did for them.
5. Sweaty Nights
Sleeping in your own sweat is gross enough, but having to sleep in sheets damp with someone else's sweat is a special kind of disgusting.
6. Dirty Feet
Feet are gross at the best of times. Take a day's worth of foot crap and put it in between some nice clean sheets, however, and you've got a sleepless night of worrying about what someone else has walked into the bed. Ever notice that the foot area of your sheets is a little more pilled, a little more discolored? No? Well now you will.
7. Hair Exchange
If you've woken up with a smattering of dark, pube-like male chest hairs on your own chest, you probably share a bed with a hairy-chested male. Likewise, if you share the bed with a medium-to-long-haired woman, you're going to have someone else's hair all up in your mouth, and you might even pull a stray one out of your own butt crack. (HOW DOES IT EVEN GET THERE? No one knows).
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