61 Questions For Kids Who Love '90s Nick
Woo, mama had herself a night. Monday evening, Nickelodeon's The Splat debuted on TeenNick. To celebrate its arrival, I watched the entire block of programming and noshed on a bunch of '90s snack time favorites into the wee hours of Tuesday morning. As I type these very words, I am running on Capri Sun and pizza-flavored Goldfish cracker fumes. My head feels like it is enveloped in Super Aggro Crag fog. I may or may not be coming down with a bonafide fever. But hey, it was all worth it. No complaints here. Watching Nickelodeon shows from the days of yore for eight hours straight was an experience I will not soon forget.
The first round of The Splat brought episodes of The Adventures of Pete & Pete, You Can’t Do That On Television, Kenan & Kel, Ren & Stimpy, and Doug. Every last one of the shows left me with some questions. My fellow ‘90s kids, allow me to present the following inquiries for your consideration.
- Hold up, what is this mini Adventures of Pete & Pete episode?
- So, we are not going to get full episodes of Pete & Pete?
- What gives?
- I mean, I won't take these clips for granted, but what's the deal?
- Nickelodeon and TeenNick gotta know that the people want Pete & Pete, right?
- Maybe The Splat will give Pete & Pete more airtime in the coming weeks?
- Why don't I shut up and just enjoy this story about Little Pete's burp issue?
- When was the last time you were in a staring contest?
- Big Pete is the staring contest expert, but do you think he can hold his own in the ring?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a487a6f0-4e22-0133-0ac0-0e76e5725d9d.png?w=320"/>
- Am I wrong, or are staring contests to our generation what kick the can was to our grandparents' generation?
- Am I the only person who didn't watch You Can't Do That On Television?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4835c80-4e22-0133-9ddd-0af7184f89fb.png?w=320"/>
- Am I an L7 loser for not watching it until now? Because I sure do feel like it.
- Was YCDTOT even on in the '90s? *Checks Google* Aha. I see. It was on from 1979-1990.
- Is Peter Cockroach the greatest name ever, yes or yes?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a477dae0-4e22-0133-9de6-0af7184f89fb.png?w=320"/>
- What was happening with that slime?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4749370-4e22-0133-0ab8-0e76e5725d9d.png?w=320"/>
- Like, what was that made of?
- Is that a cottage cheese and egg soup?
- Can I have this green shirt, please?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4743fb0-4e22-0133-9dde-0af7184f89fb.png?w=320"/>
- Wait, am I imagining these kid-on-the-street street interviews about gas, or no?
- Were young kids really that worried about a future gasoline shortage back in the late '80s?
- Why can't I stop laughing at "TRANSPERTATION"?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4734140-4e22-0133-8f20-0e17bac22e39.png?w=320"/>
- Am I going to have nightmares about this Barfy Burgers guy?
- Oh wait, is it Barth’s Burgers? Whoops.
- Am I going to have nightmares about that man feeding that kid a maggot-packed wormburger?
- Am I going to have nightmares about that man eating that insane sandwich?
- Barth’s Burgers serves Coke and Pepsi products?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4679b40-4e22-0133-9ddc-0af7184f89fb.png?w=320"/>
- Is Barth’s Burgers the only place on the planet that serves both Coke and Pepsi?
- I think I might be obsessed with YCDTOT?
- Is it too late to be obsessed with YCDTOT?
- Oh, another Pete & Pete snippet?
- Is Pete & Pete on Netflix? Because I gotta watch all of the episodes. These brief clips will not do.
- I still know Coolio’s Kenan & Kel theme song by heart. Are you impressed, yes or yes?
- How did I forget about his perfect sequined tuxedo jacket?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a467d340-4e22-0133-4c67-0e3f8b958f63.png?w=320"/>
- Is it weird that I think it'd be nice to sit in a giant pile of cereal?
- <img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4679610-4e22-0133-0abf-0e76e5725d9d.png?w=320"/> Am I the only one who is creeped out by these giant Rugrats lumbering toward the camera?
- <img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4633750-4e22-0133-ebf4-0aa00699013d.png?w=320"/> Which one is the scariest? I think it might be Tommy.
- On a scale of 1 to The Sting, how would you rate the sting in the stolen car episode of Kenan and Kel?
- Is it a nine? I'd say it's a nine.
- Do you think that chipmunk ever got over its pneumonia?
- What does Kel love more: orange soda or ham?
- Is there anything more glorious than the “I DROPPED THE SCREW IN THE TUNA" courtroom scene?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a463b880-4e22-0133-4c6e-0e3f8b958f63.png?w=320"/>
- Do you think there's someone out there who has "I DROPPED THE SCREW IN THE TUNA" tattooed on their body?
- There's gotta be at least one person, right?
- Where can I get a dog igloo like Porkchop’s igloo?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a457f180-4e22-0133-3f84-0e34a4cc753d.png?w=320"/>
- Is Mr. Dink’s laugh the most beautiful sound in the history of ears?
- How tall is Roger?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4578320-4e22-0133-9ddc-0af7184f89fb.png?w=320"/>
- How tall is Doug Funnie?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a45763d0-4e22-0133-8f1f-0e17bac22e39.png?w=320"/>
- Is there anyone on the planet who doesn’t ship Patti and Doug?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4532dc0-4e22-0133-4c6e-0e3f8b958f63.png?w=320"/>
- Is it just me, or is Mr. Bone too chill about Roger bringing firecrackers to school?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4530170-4e22-0133-0abd-0e76e5725d9d.png?w=320"/>
- TV turned Stimpy's brain into a toilet? EESH.
- I watch a lot of TV. Will TV turn my brain into a toilet too?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4486bd0-4e22-0133-3f84-0e34a4cc753d.png?w=320"/>
- Wait, are Stimpy’s eyes stickers?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4483a90-4e22-0133-9de1-0af7184f89fb.png?w=320"/>
- How do those eyes even work?
- Am I giving this too much thought?
- Am I too tired?
- Does Powdered Toast Man always fart when he goes to take off, or was that fart in the powdered toast commercial just a happy coincidence?
- Does Powdered Toast Man appear on the show more than once? I can't remember.
- If so, does Powdered Toast Man fart on the show more than once? I can't remember.
- And finally, can we take a moment to pay respects to this majestic nostril hair?<img src="http://lovelace-media.imgix.net/uploads/51/a4481b20-4e22-0133-4c6f-0e3f8b958f63.png?w=320"/> A screencap of Ren climbing up Stimpy's nose hair is quite the lovely note to end on, isn't it? National treasures, the both of 'em.
Images: Nickelodeon (19)