6 Things You Shouldn’t Do After You're The One Who Ends The Relationship
When you break someone's heart, you tend to be cast as "the jerk". Even if it was the right thing to do and you had the best intentions, the person you break up with is probably going to be pretty upset not only about you, but with you. That's just how it goes. Maybe eventually you'll work it out and find your way back to each other, maybe you'll be friends (but don't bank on it), or maybe you'll never speak to each other again. The thing is, when you're ending a relationship with someone who still loves you, unless you want to be an ACTUAL jerk (and not just a jerk by default because you did the breaking up), there are certain things you shouldn't do post break up.
You're obviously more than entitled to break up with whoever you want. If a relationship isn't serving you the way your relationships should, or if you're not happy for whatever reason, you're entitled to leave. But there are ways of leaving that are respectful, and ways that are not. No matter what you're ending, whether it's a relationship, a job, or a project you've given up on, leave in a way that you're proud of. No one wants to look back on their behavior post break up and feel shame. There are already enough terrible emotions associated with breaking up that you don't need to add more drama for yourself, or for the other person. Because no matter what, you likely had some pretty magical times with the person you're breaking up with, and you don't want to blemish that with your post break up behavior. Here are some things you should never do after you're the one that ends the relationship:
1. Come Back Looking For Sex
If you want to have sex, go to a bar and meet someone, or get on Tinder and start swiping. Do not call the person whose heart you recently broke. Having sex with someone you've been in a relationship with is an intimate act, whether you're broken up or together, and can give the wrong message, and really end up hurting the other person if they're still into you. Just because they seem like the easiest option for sex, it doesn't mean you should go there. Remember: you're the one who broke you guys up.
2. String The Other Person Along
Likewise, don't play games with the other person. If you want to get back together, really think about it before you let them know. Just because you're bored and lonely it doesn't mean you should be trying to cozy up to your ex. The more you string someone along the more you'll end up hurting them, and seeking attention from someone who is already hurting for you is pretty selfish.
3. Sleep With Their Friends
Salt, meet wound. This doesn't even need explaining. You can literally have sex with thousands of other people your ex has never even seen. Have sex with them. Do not start sleeping around the social circle of the person's heart you broke.
4. Insert Yourself Into Territory You Know Would Make Them Uncomfortable
If you receive a second hand invite to your ex's best friends BBQ, maybe sit that one out, especially when the break up is fresh. You might be happy and carefree and have everything you want post break up, but chances are if you left someone, they're stinging from it. Of course there might be times where you're in the same place at the same time and that can't be avoided, but know your boundaries. Sometimes people need space, and space from you — so when there's a situation you could be in, but don't need to be in, and you know it would make your ex super uncomfortable, be the bigger person and make other plans.
5. Drunk Dial
Drunk dials are the worst, and just make the people you're drunk dialing feel bad, especially if you've already broken up with them. The solution? Delete phone numbers and texts, so even if you're tempted, there's no way to actually go through with it. DO NOT CONFUSE THE SITUATION. DO NOT WAKE UP WITH REGRET.
6. Yap About Them To Mutual Friends
You know your mom? Or your own BFF? Or anyone else that is exclusively YOURS. Those are the people you can b*tch about the person you broke up with. Breaking someone's heart and then rubbishing them to mutual friends is a pretty dog act, and is only going to make you look bad. It's also going to get back to your ex, because take it from me, there's no such thing as a secret when it comes to breakups and gossip. Save yourself the assholery and your ex the pain and keep any trash talking you have to do safely within your inner circle.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.