Like any '90s kid growing up in the burbs, I approached trick-or-treating with the same reverence a seasoned runner would an impending marathon. The keys to maximum candy intake involved acquiring the largest bucket or pillowcase one could get her greedy little hands on, and wearing super-duper comfortable sneakers in which to walk many miles. Of course, the real fun — the all-important sorting and trading of the candy — began once the rewards had been reaped. I for one would sell my soul for a substantial stash of Starbursts; my siblings, on the other hand, were of the chocolate fanatics school.
Candy preference constitutes an integral part of one’s identity during Halloween season. Are you a caramel-and-nut-lover, fruit fiend, or a full-blown chocoholic? What does your taffy habit say about you? This leads me to the following scenario: What variety of candy would the most terrifying women from literature eat on Halloween night?
Imagine: You're feeling extra-generous this year, and decide to stock up on goodies to hand out to trick-or-treaters visiting your house/apartment/trailer. All Hallows' Eve arrives, and, lo and behold, you are visited by a parade villainesses and several of the most sinister ladies from your favorite books. What type of treat does each character choose from your basket, and why? Only time will tell...
The Woman in Black from The Woman in Black by Susan Hill
The Candy: Black Licorice. Literature's most sinister ghost would love a piece of bitter, herbal black licorice to snack on while haunting your home and ruining your life. The raven-colored candy will coordinate perfectly with her prim black dress.
Professor Umbridge from Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling
The Candy: Pink Sweethearts. It's no secret Dolores Umbridge prefers pink. Look closer at the handful of magenta sweethearts she has selected, though, and you'll find she has inscribed each one with her own special message: "You know, I really hate children."
Lady Macbeth from Macbeth by William Shakespeare
The Candy: Red Hots. "Out, damned spot! .... Yet who would have thought the old man to have had so much blood in him?" Only one scorching, cinnamon candy can match the red hot guilt Macbeth's dear wife feels over the murders they have carried out.
Regan MacNeil from The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty
The Candy: Jawbreakers. Poor Regan needs a treat to match her demonic strength. Hopefully you've stocked up on a load of Bruisers, the largest variety of jawbreaker, to keep her occupied until her scheduled exorcism.
Cersei Lannister from A Song of Ice and Fire by George R. R. Martin
The Candy: Warheads. A woman who will quite literally wage war throughout the land to maintain her family's power requires a treat as severe as her demeanor. Cersei will probably ask you for a glass of red to wash the sour candy down... Do not disappoint her.
Mrs. Danvers from Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
The Candy: Taffy Apple. Sure, she asked you politely, but beware: Mrs. Danvers only wants that shiny, caramel-coated taffy apple so that she may inject it with poison and feed it to the unsuspecting Mrs. de Winter for lunch.
Amy Dunne from Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
The Candy: PayDay. Amy has waited long enough. This Halloween, she's having her nutty, satisfying PayDay. You may want to give Nick Dunne a heads up about this one.
Images: Giphy (8)