6 Weird Things That Coffee Does To Your Body

If you don't drink coffee, then maybe you should, because coffee has a lot of weird and awesome effects on the body. After drinking a cup of coffee, you feel alive, like Frankenstein's monster risen from a pile of stitched up bits and pieces. You're invincible with coffee. You're Thor and you're the only one that can pick up the hammer. You're John McClane jumping off the top of Nakatomi plaza. You're Katniss volunteering for tribute. You are the most unbeatable, awesome version of you.

That is, until you're not. Until you're doubled over, pooping out your guts. Until you've had way too much coffee and you've got the shakes. Until your plan to stay awake with caffeine kicked in your body's fight or flight reflex and you just become more sleepy. Coffee is your best friend and your worst enemy, and which role it plays can hinge on just one cup too many. But what exactly happens to your body, on a biological level, when you drink the sweet nectar of brown life force? What dark magic is at play that makes you feel suddenly sharper, stronger, smarter and generally better? To answer these questions, here are some weird things that happen to your body after a cup of joe:

1. Your Brain Kicks Into Overdrive

We all know coffee is a stimulant, and that first cup in the morning turns us from zombies into humans capable of completing complex tasks. Within 30 minutes of having a cup of coffee, you'll be able to concentrate better because caffeine helps to modulate the neurotransmitters that allow us to think, which means that coffee assists in processing chemical messages to the brain. On the flip side, too much coffee can cause an overload, taking you from "able to concentrate" to "anxious and jittery," which can also lead to sleeplessness. The moral of the story is coffee is great for your brain, but only in moderation.

2. Your Blood Pressure Rises

After a cup of joe, your blood pressure will temporarily rise. It's OK though, as this is generally only a problem for people with existing high blood pressure and pregnant women.

3. You Will Poop

I'm sorry if you don't poop. I really am. A really glorious thing that happens in the morning is your coffee poop. It's just so easy and graceful for a poop. When you drink coffee your bowels are stimulated, and so too your urge to defecate. If you're on an empty tummy or have just eaten, the urge might lead to diarrhea (as unprocessed fecal matter evacuates the bowels still in liquid form), which is a particular risk for people with IBS.

4. Your Breath Will Get Stinky

Coffee breath is a real thing. Coffee dries out the inside of your mouth, and a symptom of heavy coffee drinking is stinky breath. The dehydration caused by drinking coffee can cause the dead cells in your mouth, which are normally washed away by saliva, to stick around and start to rot.

5. You'll Have Better Work Out Stamina

Studies have shown that caffeine boosts your muscles and endurance when working out. Researchers have found that just one cup of coffee can help people exercise for a third longer, and prompts the body to burn energy from fat. Sounds good, right?

6. Your Vision Will Sharpen

Because coffee stimulates adrenaline in your body, you're sent into "flight or flight mode" which has some interesting side effects, like dilating your pupils slightly. This leads to temporarily sharpened sight, so if you're in a situation that requires seeing better, down a cup of joe.

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