I'm obsessed with masturbating. I'm basically a horny 16-year-old boy trapped in a horny 28-year-old woman's body. But it is so important. If you want to get to know yourself better, improve your sex life, or just get all the mind-blowing benefits of an orgasm without a partner, it's time to lock the bedroom and get to know yourself a bit. But finding the best masturbation method or routine can be difficult. Everyone wants something different.
Experts will tell you to relax and make it a romantic setting— your favorite music, mood lighting, no interruptions, maybe porn or your favorite toy. Some people masturbate in the morning and some do it at night. Some women masturbate to music or even put on sexy lingerie to get off. And I salute these women, because the closest thing I have to a masturbation routine is that I usually do it after I work out when I'm getting naked to shower anyway. If I'm feeling fancy, I might put on my favorite cookie monster onesie and unzip it reeeeeeaaaaal slow (for the record I have never seduced anyone ever). I'm also a porn fan, while other women stick to just fantasies, or memories. It's really interesting seeing what makes women orgasm on their own time.
So here are some real-life masturbation routines from real-life women, because we're all different but we all love some solo exploration.
1. Tina, 29
"Every night, in bed, manually. So boring, I know, but also not boring because I have awesome orgasms EVERY SINGLE NIGHT."
2. Anna, 31
"Occasionally I'll masturbate in the morning but usually it's at night around the time I get home from work. I do it in my bed and use a vibrator, though if I am looking for a more intense orgasm and have more time to devote, I'll masturbate in the living room while watching the high-quality porn library my partner dowloaded for us."
3. Amanda, 35
"I start thinking some pretty dirty, kinky thoughts about some guy from my past -- who it is changes every time -- then I go from there. Sometimes, if I'm masturbating as a way to de-stress or fall asleep, I'll just toss on some porn for a couple minutes and use that. I'd like to say I have a routine that involves hours and hours and candles and shit, but I don't. I just want to orgasm then go on with my day or evening."
4. Becky, 33
"Three minutes of furious clitoral rubbing, usually while thinking about some cute British musician from the '90s. No music, no video, generally in bed. I think I probably go too HAM on my clit during these times, and that's why I kind of have a rough time when partners try to get me off... "
5. Elizabeth, 24
"I rarely masturbate at all, if I'm honest, but I go through phases where I do it fairly regularly. It's normally to lesbian porn, even though I'm not really interested in that in the real world. And always before bed, because it's a nice way to finish off the day and it makes me sleepy."
6. Rachel, 29
"I'd say my masturbation technique is pretty boring. Except occasionally instead of imagination I'll use a dirty bit from a book, if what I'm reading at the time happens to be particularly sexy! It's a nice change."
7. Nessa, 31
"My partner and I have a really active sex life, so my masturbation is pretty much a no-go at the moment. Not because we have any sort of issues with it, but most of my masturbation is during sex right now. I still enjoy it and it's even sexier that way some of the time."
8. Alisha, 23
"I do it mainly to wake myself up when I'm feeling tired. I get snuggled up under the blankets, find some decent porn, and go to town. I shut off the porn after my first O, then think about other hot situations to get off again. I'll get about four orgasms in, clean myself up, and continue going about my day feeling a bit more energized. It's like coffee. Sexy, sexy coffee."
9. Keller, 33
"In my bed, at night before go to sleep. I usually just use a good mental scenario; something realistic, and that makes me feel super relaxed -- I don't like anything too over-the-top (aka too porn-y.)"
10. Laura, 27
"I usually do before going to bed, it helps me fall asleep faster. Very rarely use toys."
11. Jessie, 28
"I do it right before bed — it relaxes me and I like to think helps me fall asleep better. I've tried doing it in the morning and it's just not the same. I usually watch porn and i'll use toys if i'm looking to speed things up."
12. Dana, 39
"Two to three times a week, usually at night. I can be inspired by something I've seen or read earlier in the day, but generally don't multi-task masturbate."
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.
Images: Andrew Zaeh for Bustle; Giphy (12)