I don't think I've ever truly been in love yet, but I can say that the closest I've come would have to be my relationship with the cheese emoji. Asinine? Farcical? Ludicrous? Maybe. But I've now used up all of my fancy SAT words, so you'll just have to go with me on this one. Cheese Emoji = Life. Hopefully the people on My Strange Addiction or Taboo will see this and I can join the ranks of people like Erika, who is sexually attracted to the Berlin Wall. If not, I'll be happy just to know this article exists and is linked to my name somehow.
First — a little background information. Growing up in Russia, I would walk over to my neighbor's house during the summer holidays where we stayed in our Datcha, and bring home a giant jar of fresh milk every day. Dairy has been a part of my life ever since. I am on FIRST NAME BASIS with the cheese guy at my local Ralf's. I'm pretty sure I'm the one that has boosted his sales ever since I moved into the neighborhood. By the way, you're welcome for the golden star, Marcus!
Finding out that the new iOS 9.1 update on iPhones has given internet birth to the Cheese Wedge emoji was the highlight of my week. Finally, all my cheese-centered texts can be sent without abandon to an entire contact list. If you are scratching your head, wondering how on earth the cheese emoji can be used in multiple ways, have no fear. I am your Cheesus:
1. Simple and Direct
This is how you tell someone that you want them to smile. Or that you want cheese. See! Already we are establishing the versatility of this small little emoji.
2. Cheesy Businessmen
How many time have you been approached by a Richard Gere type, promising to whisk you away into the night? And on his yacht? Ugh. Cheesy! I can go shopping on Rodeo Drive by myself thank you very much.
3. Expensive Cheese
This one is just a bragger. It's a great way to tell your friend that you have spent your entire brunch money budget on a wedge of cheese that is a combination of gouda and parmesan.
4. Movie Time
I don't think there is a better picture representation of the phrase "Come over, I'm watching Wallace and Gromit: A Grand Day Out". If you find one, be sure to send it my way.
5. Stinky Stuff
This combo easily explains that something smells terrible.
6. Cheese Plate
This is the only way to tell your friends that there is a cheese spread at this party and that it's going to go fast.
7. Taco Bell
There is no need to even explain this one.
8. Cheese Ball
Sometimes we want to tell our friends that the date we are on sucks. But how do we do it without tipping the other person off. Well, luckily for you —this combo exists! Cheese Ball. Don't be shocked if you get a call from your friend two minutes later asking for you to come home immediately. This way you can come home and enjoy some night cheese with your bestie!
Images: Emojipedia, Giphy