6 Ways To Get Back Together With Your Ex That Aren't Creepy
Life is not a romantic comedy. There are so many heartbroken ploys carried out by love-lorn protagonists that make us all gooey inside, when in reality, they're a little stalker-ish. There are ways to get your ex back that aren't desperate or creepy, though — ways that aren't illegal or disrespectful. Movies have a way of romanticizing stalking, trespassing, and a general disregard for healthy boundaries. But it doesn't have to (and shouldn't) be that way.
These may not be the kind of grand gestures we fantasize about, but they're mature, long-lasting, and most importantly, healthy solutions to your problems. Because the novelty of stopping traffic to sing you a love song outside of your office window wears off once you get back into your daily routine (or lose your job because of the embarrassing spectacle). Problems don't simply vanish because you decide to give things another try.
So if you were planning on holding a giant iPod over your head or breaking into a credit card company to get your flame's new address, maybe put those plans on hold and try one of these solutions instead. And if it works, totes invite me to the wedding. Because I'm reasonable, but I'm not made of stone, gosh.
1. Unfollow On Social Media
You don't need the torture. And your ex might need some space. Plus, it will shield you from those vulnerable moments when you post Dashboard Confessional songs and bleak poetry about how meaningless life is without love. According to branding coach and social media strategist Terri Trespicio, cutting of social media contact has the opposite effect. Her ex actually paid more attention to her on those platforms.
2. Ask To Talk
I know, that's totally not romantic or exciting, but in the real world of grown-ups, our voices are the best tools we have. Just ask for a chat. But before you dive into these types of conversations, it's best to take time to think about what you want and what went wrong, according to Cosmopolitan.
3. Show You Care, But Respect Boundaries
Constantly showing up, leaving gifts, and texting non-stop are pretty much par for the course in movies. In the real world, those behaviors are called stalking, which is a felony. Healthy boundaries include time apart, according to relationship site Love is Respect. They also include respecting someone's wishes, even when those wishes are for space.
4. Own Up To Your Mistakes
If you're the reason your relationship ended (meaning you made a mistake), then your first move is to get yourself together and own up to your mistakes, according to Susan Heitler Ph.D. in an article for PsychCentral. When you realize you have the choice to see your life through a different lense, you'll find opportunities or positive change and healing, according to Heitler.
5. Skip Groveling
Pouring more negativity onto an already negative situation won't make things better. You're more likely to get a positive response from your ex if you come from a place of strength and confidence rather than groveling and self-pity, according Heitler.
6. Get On With Your Life
There's a chance your ex will leap back into your arms. There's also a chance he or she will tell you where to put your good intentions. (Hint: It's not a nice place). Either way, you have to keep doing the work of living and becoming your best self, even if it feels like drudgery at first. "I was so concerned with pleasing him that I forgot to make sure he was pleasing me" said entertainment correspondent Jessica Radloff in an article for Huffington Post. You need to do you.
If there's hope for reconciliation, you'll know after you talk things out. If not, you just have to try to get on with your life. It's a knife to the chest, I know, but it heals with time.
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