6 Ways You May Be Damaging Your Relationship Without Realizing it
Love: It's all about trial and error. You always go through emotions, while idealizing what you believe should the "perfect" relationship should look like and sometimes ignoring the ways you may be damaging your relationship. Let's face it: Relationships are never perfect and they always need working on. While love, friendship, and care are all part of the foundation of what a relationship should be, a lot of the factors should take a lead in it as well.
There could be a lot of reasons why a relationship just isn't working. As time goes on, you start to feel the distance and before you know it, the feeling is gone. Breakups are never easy, knowing that for that one moment in time you deeply cared about that individual with more passion than you could ever imagine and now that time is coming to an end. But just like a plant, every relationship needs a little watering. It gets thirsty for different things over time and if you are ignoring those cues or just not listening, then those problems could creep up and take over like a virus. To save any relationship from going off the deep end, here are six ways you may be damaging your relationship without even realizing it. If you are more aware of these cues and your actions, you might be saving yourself some future heartbreak.
1. You're Not Communicating As Much As You Should
Communicating with your partner is vital to keep a relationship alive. How else are you supposed to know that there are problems in your relationship if you don't express your feelings and talk them out with your partner? The best way to do this — no matter the size of the problem — is to sit your partner down and discuss what is bother you, without any distractions. Never discuss a problem in a casual conversation; it just won't translate well. Always take note on how your partner communicates, it might help to understand how they talk and internalize things. "You need some foundation from which communication can flow well from the beginning," says Dr. Moore, a psychotherapist and a licensed marriage family therapist, in an article for HowStuffWorks Health.
2. Not Having Time Apart
It's always good to do things on your own that simply just make you happy. While your partner might be your best friend, it might be damaging if you both don't have a night out apart from each other. Take some time to re-energize your relationship and having your own interests. In an article from PsychCentral Maud Purcell, LCSW, CEAP said, "It is healthy to have some separate interests and activities and to come back to the relationship refreshed and ready to share your experiences." Don't see the time apart as a sign there might be trouble. See it as finding new interests and letting the heart grow fonder of the person you are in love with.
3. Keeping Score
Just don't do this; it's not worth it. If your relationship is based off of phrases like, "Well, I did this and this and you didn't do this and this," then it's just not going to last. "Some view relationships as a bank account. It is an interesting analogy, but it is inherently flawed as it is hard to quantify deposits and withdrawals," said dating expert and author of Screwing the Rules: The No-Games Guide to Love, Laurel House in an article for YourTango. Your relationship shouldn't be a bank. Instead of constantly acknowledging the faults in the relationships, try seeking for the positive and turn things around. A simple change of perspectives can really alter the way your relationship might be heading.
4. Lack Of Acknowledgement
Everyone needs to feel loved and heard, but sometimes, when life gets in the way, it may be easy to forget to give the attention your partner needs. You never want your partner to feel like you are taking him for granted. According to a Women's Day article, Dr. Andra Brosh, Ph.D. said, "Saying 'I appreciate all that you do for me' is so easy, but lack of appreciation leads to resentment in marriage." Sometimes a sentence can make a huge difference in how you can make someone feel.
5. Not Having Respect
This is a huge one. You are both in a committed relationship with each other and once that respect barrier is broken, it opens up a bunch of demons that you don't ever want to encounter. Respect is about mutual love and compassion and when you don't agree with what they are saying, it's best not to shut it down or to roll your eyes because that could lead to contempt. In an article on Psychology Today, Dr. Peter Gray, Ph.D., a research professor at Boston College said, "In a relationship of respect, your task is to understand the other person as a unique individual and learn how to mesh your needs with his or hers and help that person achieve what he or she wants to achieve."
6. Ignoring What Your Partner Wants In Bed
This is a two-way street. There is no other way to put it. Sometimes one needs to be a little bit more romantic, when the other needs to initiate sex more. This can easily go back to the communication tip. Instead of ignoring the situation or letting life get in the way, make sure you realize that these actions could really harm your relationship and your partners' self-confidence.
According to clinical psychologist Dr. Andra Brosh, Ph.D. in an article for Woman's Day, "Ignoring the problem is as bad as ignoring [them]." And that's just not cool. Your partner's wants and needs are just as important as yours. Make sure you are being aware of what they want and don't ignore the smallest indicators. However, it's also important to mention that you should always only have sex when you feel completely comfortable, and you should never force it just to make your partner happy in any scenario. However, it is sometimes easy to miss what our partner's needs are or how they're changing, so open communication is key here.
Before it's too late, it's always good to go over these tips to revitalize any relationship. Romantic relationships — especially long-term ones — can grow into a bad habit. Don't forget the reason why you fell in love in the first place and take some time to go over these tips to possibly get some perspective on the realities of your relationship.
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