Candace Cameron Bure Aims to be Submissive in Marriage & Shockingly, D.J. Tanner Might Agree

Donna Jo Margaret Tanner, or rather, Candace Cameron Bure, has a new book coming out that’s all about her happy and successful 17-year marriage to NHL player Val Bure. It's called Balancing it All: My Story of Juggling Priorities and Purposes. Her secret? Being a submissive wife. Yes, because the world needs another B-D level celebrity to tell women to pipe down with all of their “needs” and “ideas.” Errrrgggggghhh. In interviews with The Christian Post and the almighty Fox News, Bure noted that her role in her marriage is deeply rooted in her firm Christian beliefs.

According to Bure, "I am not a passive person, but I chose to fall into a more submissive role in our relationship because I wanted to do everything in my power to make my marriage and family work."

Have your eyes been removed from your palms yet? Can you breathe through all of your groaning? Ack, me either. So I suppose her book will unlock the great mystery to how being submissive makes a marriage AND AN ENTIRE FAMILY work. No one has EVER said that before! How refreshing. The media just tells me all of the time much how being a strong, assertive, and opinionated woman is the way to be. Thanks Candace! Oh, wait. Nope. That’s not it at all.

Truth be told, one could not escape Full House and the Tanners in the mid-90s, and I’m sure there are some die-hard Full House-ers who are less than enthused by Bure’s regressive literary offerings. However, it’s not really new in the actress’s career. In fact, if you take a look at the following D.J.-isms you’ll see Bure and her character shared a lot of the same opinions when it comes to being a submissive woman. The results are alarming.

On Being a Woman in AMERICA

D.J. Tanner: "Would you stop worrying? Kindergarten is so easy. The only thing you have to learn is the Pledge of Allegiance."

Bure: "It is very difficult to have two heads of authority... It doesn't work in military, it doesn't work- I mean you have one President, you know what I'm saying?"

Oh, oh man, I hope they're teaching more in primary school history classes these days.

On Making Sure Men Never See You Behave in a Way That Could be “Intimidating”

D.J. Tanner: "I was talking to this really cute guy and he kept smiling at me, and then I looked down, and I realized that my elbow was in the clam dip...Yeah, well, it wasn't my finest moment. But, in some weird way, it broke the ice, and we were laughing about it…. The trick is to remember that everybody is nervous, and it is a lot easier to handle if you stay in control."

Bure: "The definition I'm using with the word submissive, is the Biblical definition of that. So, it is meekness — it is not weakness. It is strength under control, it is bridled strength,"

Avert eye contact! Girdle in your feelings! Be coy!

On Ideas

D.J.: "She's not an airhead. She just hates thinking."

Bure: "All the decisions I make in my life are really grounded in the foundation that I'm a Christian. That's definitely where my world view comes from, a Biblical view and that's why I make some of the choices I do."

This is in no way a criticism of having a Christian worldview. Rather, a look at Bure's seemingly rigid perspective.

Because thing is, I don't want anyone to feel like this:

Because that's not it. There's confidence and assertiveness and there's openness and equality. If you're interested, Bure's book is now for sale on eBay.

Image: Getty Images