6 Signs You'd Rather Take A Cheese Wheel To The Face Than Get Laid Tonight

In one of the world's most earth-shattering quotes, a very important woman, Liz Lemon, said that the word "lovers" bummed her out unless it was between the words "meat" and "pizza." For me, the word lovers should come after the word "cheese." Because I — like Liz Lemon and so many before me — am a cheese lover. No matter the type of cheese, or the way it's served, whether it's in macaroni, between layers of lasagna, between two grilled slices of bread, or melted over eggs at a ratio of one part cheese to one part egg, I'm in. A night in with a wheel of brie and some Netflix is one of the most perfect evenings you could have, in my opinion, especially if you throw in some good bread and red wine. And maybe, like, a vegetable to balance out the meal a bit. (Is popcorn a vegetable?)

While there are certainly other things you could do with your evening — like go out, meet people, and maybe even bring a lucky someone home — none of those prospects ever seem quite as appealing as that wheel of brie. So, if your friends are trying to convince you to have an evening that brings the song “Let’s Get Physical” to life, it’s OK to resist in the name of cheese. Here are six signs you'd rather stay in and eat cheese than get laid tonight:

1. You Think About Queso More Than You Think About Your Ex

You don't pine for your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend when you're alone in bed. You lie in bed wishing you'd taken out the queso, and given yourself the treat we both know you deserve.

2. You Don't Care If The Guy Or Girl Texts You Back Nearly As Much As You Care About How You're Making Your Guac Tonight

With cilantro? Without cilantro? You're not even sure where your phone is, and quite frankly, if it can't be used as a vehicle for cheese, it doesn't matter anymore.

3. Your Friend's Insta Of A Burger Has More Effect On You Than A Sext From A Real Human

Because cheesy fries before guys/girls/literally any human ever, sorry not sorry ... always.

5. The Biggest Question In Your Life Is Whether To Use Your Shredded Cheese To Make Pizza Or Nachos

Or to make buffalo chicken dip, or spinach and artichoke dip. Or to make regular quesadillas or quesadillas with extra cheese on top. Whether or not you're gonna die alone? Practically a non-issue in comparison.

5. The Sexual Energy That Comes From The Beautiful Fusion Of Cheese And Tortillas Is All That You Need To Get You Off

Make Cheese Not Love. That's how that saying goes, right?

It's not that you don't like to make love ... it's that you and your tortillas are about to get real close, so you're honestly not missing out on anything.

6. The Only White Creamy Substance You Want In Your Life Is Baked Brie

**~~*nAiLeD iT*~~**.

Images: Giphy (7), Pixabay