If Ali's Not In the Casket, Who Is?
The holiday season is over. Pretty Little Liars season has begun. Whether or not we're ready is irrelevant, because it's here. During Tuesday night's winter premiere, the Liars deal with the newly confirmed fact that Ali is ali-ve. After the Ravenswood graveyard party, Ali made it very clear that she's afraid of someone. The Liars want to know who, but then they're like, "While it might be in our collective best interest to identify who has scared Ali into hiding because that person is probably coming after us too, wouldn't it be fun to figure out who's actually in that casket? Because that might give us answers. And it might help us find Ali." So that's what they do. Hanna leads the charge.
Hanna's theory: The body in Ali's casket might be that of Sara, a missing teen from a nearby town. Hanna reaches out to Sara's friends. Sara's friends are like, "Yeah, Sara is a piece of work. We wish we knew she was actually dead." Turns out, Sara's been harassing them since she's been missing. Sound familiar? AHHHHHHHH SHE'S EVERYWHERE AND SHE'S NO WHERE.
You know who I missed a lot? Mona. Mona's first big move of the new season? Confronting Ezra. She's like, "Uh, we're going to be pals now. Otherwise, I'll tell everyone everything about the Liars." The two meet in a public place (I don't trust either character, so this is a good move)(I like Mona. But I don't trust her), and proceed to have the most incredible exchange. Mona makes fun of Ezra's class reading list, Ezra says the word "fear" at least 53 times, and then, there's an impromptu crazy eyes contest. Mona loses to Ezra. Mona backs down. MONA IS SCARED OF EZRA?!?! If Mona can't handle Ezra, who can?!?
Toby goes on a "NEED TRUTH ABOUT MOM NOW" quest, returns with "some, not enough answers," and then right before our very eyes, he and Spencer turn into a pair of lawyers. They do some lawyer moves and get Radley to admit Toby's mom didn't kill herself. Spencer's dad is like, "Hey, nice lawyering, you non-lawyers. But do you realize that all of this lawyering you non-lawyers did could force Radley to close its doors?" Spencer and Toby are like, "No, but that's neat. Do go on." So now it looks like Spencer, Toby, and Spencer's dad are going to lawyer Radley to smithereens.
Aria gets in a car with Ezra. BOOOOOOOOO. Aria goes to Ezra's cabin. (Oh, great. He has a cabin now.) BOOOOO. Aria smooches Ezra. BOOOOOOO. He gives her a key to his cabin. BOOOOOO.
Emily tells Paige that she and Ali kissed way back when. She also tells Paige that Ali broke her heart and she's still dealing with it. Paige is understanding. Aw, PAIGE. I hope the "Ali's still alive" doesn't become a problem.
Caleb is back from Ravenswood, but he's not back from Ravenswood, you dig? He'll never leave Ravenswood. Hanna asks Caleb to tell her what he's been up to since he's been away, but all of his answers are cryptic and annoying. At one point, he says, "I missed watching you walk barefoot across the kitchen floor." That's an amazingly specific and weird thing to miss. Also, what high schooler says that? He says he has to go back to Ravenswood because there is "stuff" he has to "take care of." Hanna is like, "Um, excuse me?" They fight.
And then, because Hanna can't stand the thought of that model face'd guy skipping town on a sour note, they make up right before he's about to hit the road. Caleb sets a cup of coffee on the car and forgets about it. Hanna catches it before he leaves and hands it to him. It should be a cute moment, but I can't stop thinking about the Grunwald's eyes or the house built on top of a mausoleum or that old-timey photo of Caleb. Ravenswood will do that to you.
Caleb cries the entire drive to Ravenswood. BE SAFE, MODEL FACE.
At the end of the episode, the Liars are back to square one regarding the casket, and Hanna reveals she's had Ali's diary since they went to Ravenswood, which… UH, WHAT? Way to keep that very valuable piece of information a secret, MARIN. Oh, I can't stay mad at you, Hanna Marin. Especially when you do things like pronounce "gazebo" "gaze-boe." That's totally something I'd do. You and I have to stick together, Hanna Marin.
Image: ABC Family/Ron Tom