2 Broke Girls' Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs hosted this year's People's Choice Awards, which at the beginning looked like it was mainly an excuse to trick people into watching 2 Broke Girls. But then they were actually genuinely charming! I knew I could count on you, Kat Dennings. Be my friend? This People's Choice Awards was, as usual, filled to the brim with celebrities (because...well...yeah), and was a relatively relaxing way to kick off the "official" season wherein we spend a lot of time and energy congratulating beautiful millionaires on a job well done.
In case you missed the ceremony but are gripped with a need to know what went down — or did watch the ceremony but are victim to some sort of localized awards show amnesia — here are the moments that were generally entertaining (to me):
- The opening sketch served as an important reminder of how rabidly our culture feels the need to revel in Sharknado.
- Behr and Dennings' monologue had some gems in it, including these lines:
- "It's there forever, like Maggie Smith or a tramp stamp."
- "[It's] the only awards show where nominees include Sharknado and Oprah."
- "Only half of those votes came from the nominees themselves!"
- "If you can't tell already, she's the Hathaway and I'm the Franco."
- Their mics were also louder than they thought, and you could hear Berhs explaining to Brad Paisley why she was stapled to his side: "I'm supposed to stay with you until they tell me not to."
- The thing about the PCAs is that you can usually tell who's about to win by who's seated most conveniently near the stage — which is nice! It leaves room for anticipation of things like the classic Bullock charm and —— MICHAEL B. JORDAN IS ONSTAGE EVERYONE SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. (Same goes to you, James Wolk. Damn.)
- Blake Shelton on his hot sex with Adam Levine: "We've never dated. He's not my boyfriend. We hooked up a few times."
- Ellen DeGeneres won Favorite Talk Show Host for a record fourteenth time, which I think means they start molding the awards to look like her next year? I'm down. She also said this during her speech: "I heard from an African-American woman recently and she works 80 hours a week, she's single, and she says the thing that gets her through the week is the promise of watching me. That woman's name was Oprah Winfrey."
- She was also a theme in other people's speeches, as she should be:
- Drew Barrymore (seemingly doing a Drew Barrymore impression): "Ellen DeGeneres just told me I was fat."
- Justin Timberlake: "I would like to thank Ellen, for all the personal inspiration, and the cookies. Bakes a hell of a cookie."
- People cheered really really loudly for Matt LeBlanc, because we all really miss Friends, apparently.
- If you're wondering what song will most encapsulate this period of time when someone in the future wants to portray late 2013/early 2014, it's "Royals."
- When Sarah Michelle Gellar won she took the stake-shaped award and threatened the presented with a "watch out, I know how to use this" and I cried, guys.
- I cried again when she thanked the Buffy fans for so obviously being the reason that she won for The Crazy Ones.
- Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder bantered about how "awkward" it is that they broke up in real life but are still dating on their TV show, but you know they're totally still banging, right?
Other things that happened: Sara Bareilles was all up in there performing "Brave," which we're all for always (did you know Rashida Jones directed the music video???). Later, Brad Paisley performed his new single "The Mona Lisa," which is — twist! – not about art history. Later, One Republic performed and I was genuinely confused when they showed up onstage and weren't One Direction, which I think means I'm getting old?
THE BROADCASTED WINNERS:
Favorite movie actress: Sandra Bullock (Gravity)
Favorite album: Justin Timberlake's The 20/20 Experience
Favorite daytime TV host: Ellen DeGeneres (duh)
Favorite new talk show host: Queen Latifah ("Queen Latifah hosted the People's Choice Awards five times. This is her first win." You go, Queen Latifah!)
Favorite Comedic Actor: Adam Sandler, in what is (somehow) his fourth consecutive win.
Favorite Actress in a Drama: Stana Katic
Favorite Network TV Drama: The Good Wife (forever pissed Parenthood didn't win)
Favorite Comedic Movie: The Heat (*low feminist hiss of approval* yessssssss)
Favorite Onscreen Chemistry: Ian Somerhalder & Nina Dobrev (Malin Ackerman pronounced it Summerhandler, which we love, and Somerhalder & Dobrev poked fun at their IRL relationship)
Favorite Pop Artist: Britney Spears
Favorite Comedic TV Actress: Kaley Cuoco
Favorite Comedic TV Actor: Chris Colfer
Favorite Action Actor: Robert Downey Jr. ("Can I get some more reverb on my voice to make it sound more Godlike?")
Favorite Humanitarian: Jennifer Hudson
Favorite Actress In a New TV Series: Sarah Michelle Gellar (It's cool cause she was also in an old show!!!)
Favorite Network TV Comedy: The Big Bang Theory