I really need Star Wars: The Force Awakens to come to theaters quicker, because I'm sick of watching all these trailers and being racked with sobs as I'm completely overcome with emotion. Sure enough, another international Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer hit the Internet today, and, like clockwork, I blasted it loud enough so my neighbors couldn't hear the bawling. And I know you're thinking, "Oh, Mary Grace, we've seen so many Force Awakens trailers by now. What else can you possibly bring to the table?" Um, a lot: because there is a ton of fresh new footage in this trailer.
Not enough to truly know what's going on, mind you, but pieces of the puzzle are coming together. Though it was presumed that Rey was alone, she alludes to being an orphan. "I know all about waiting. For my family," she tells new robot BFF BB-8. Likewise, previous trailers had Han confirming what seemed like the myth of the Jedi, and in this one he clarifies that the force is indeed real. Guys, a lot has happened in the past 30 years.
But I won't keep you. Feel free to watch the trailer below, and then allow me to sum up all the new footage in it accordingly.
1. Oh Look, A Shot That Accurately Captures Our Own Insignificance In A Vast And Dangerous Galaxy
Or just some massive mechanical cavern, I don't know.
2. This Skyline Looks Tatooine-Esque, But It's Just Jakku, Right?
Like, there's only one sun, so I'm assuming. I'm just confused, because my brain can only handle one horrible desert planet at a time.
3. Awwwww, It Looks Like BB-8 Is Going To Adorably Tag Along On Rey's Adventure
4. What's That? Rey And Finn See Doom On The Horizon
What could it possibly be?
5. Bad Guys, Oh No
Here they come to mess up your weekend.
6. OK, They're Just Going To Burn This Place To The Ground, That's Fair
Have Stormtroopers always had flamethrowers?
7. On The Next Episode Of HBO's Girls: Shoshanna goes on a blind date, Hannah Flubs An Employee Review, Adam Becomes A Sith Lord And Torches A Planet To The Ground.
Marnie's new music video goes viral.
8. Millennium Falcon, What Up
The more I get to see this majestic space ship the better.
9. Finn and Rey's Meetcute
Introductions are made all around.
10. Oh Great, C3PO
I was worried the movie wouldn't have enough ceaseless nagging.
11. Chewbacca Is a Ruthless Killer
OK, but seriously guys, it looks like he straight-up bombed a place right there.
12. Stop, No, Oh My Gosh
Will our heroine make it out of this alive?! Uh, yeah, there's two more movies to be made, but if I was in her situation I'd be making a similar expression.
13. Hoth? Are We Going Back To Hoth?
Or is this also some other planet that happens to be all-blizzard, all the time? No, that's unacceptable, there are only like five planets in the galaxy, I won't have these films confuse me with a sixth.
Hopefully this is the last trailer for a while, because I don't think I can emotionally handle it. Forever counting down the seconds until Force Awakens comes out December 18.
Images: Disney/YouTube (14)