If you haven't had your fill of terrible things this week, why not take a look at the video posted by National Geographic which describes (in detail) how rats climb up your toilet. That's right. You didn't misread that or have a small stroke. Rats are a thing, and they are able to climb up your toilet — which is also (surprisingly) a thing. It's like my worst nightmare decided to become a reality and then produce a well-edited video demonstration. Let's just say, I have been checking my toilet seat before using it almost every time from fear of being bitten in my ass.
This is not the first time creatures wiggling up toilets have made the news. There was a famous incident where a family found a python just straight chillin' in their pipes. If you were wondering what South American or even Florida home this took place at, it actually happened in Kansas. No, pythons aren't native to Kansas, but somehow that sucker just found a way in. But unlike huge snakes, rats are in abundance in cities like NYC and Boston. So feel free to never use your bathroom again after seeing the video, city slickers.
Here is what I truly loved about the video. It made rats into some kind of masterminds of maze solving and burglary. In my head, rats steal pizza and make soup in France à la Ratatouille. Now I have to worry about them outsmarting me on the SATs and taking over my brand new apartment in TriBeCa? No, thank you. This stops now. I'm not sure how, but I will figure it out.
These are the ways a rat will climb into your toilet and ruin your morning.
1. They Don't Give A Single F*ck
Do you see how that rat is just pulling a Rose from Titanic? It will survive! That rat doesn't care that it's in a filthy poop-filled tunnel! All that rat wants is to be in your nice porcelain throne. Then it can relocate to your walls, where it will terrify you every night by running across your beautifully waxed hardwood floors.
2. These Things Are Monsters
Oh, great. So Mr. Freddie Krueger Rat will just slice its way through some piping in order to then stab me in the butt? Great! I wish this was taught to me before long devision.
3. What The Actual F Is Going On?!
When the rat makes its move up your pipes in into your pooper, it actually gets some air from an air pocket and then continues its merry way! I mean, that is brilliant but also disturbing.
Ladies and gents, please watch this video in its entirety in order to be better prepared for what is eventually going to be your reality. Don't trust these suckers, not even for a second.