Shia LaBeouf & I Watched ‘Holes’ Together… Sort Of
Decades from now, we will tell our children’s children about the time Shia LaBeouf embarked on a movie marathon for all the world to see. “For three whole days, he watched all of his feature films in reverse chronological order. And we could not stop watching him watch," we will say as we stare out the window at a live streaming video that isn't there. “We could not stop watching him watch.”
As of Tuesday afternoon, actor Shia LaBeouf has been camped out in front of a movie screen at NYC's Angelika Film Center. The reason: #ALLMYMOVIES, a performance art piece by LaBeouf, Rönkkö, & Turner. It's a free of charge, open to the public movie marathon that began with Man Down and will end with Breakfast with Einstein on Thursday evening.
For those of us who live on the opposite side of the country and/or can not make it to the Angelika Film Center this week, there is another way to check out the project: you can watch Shia watch movies via the #ALLMYMOVIES live feed. And that is exactly what I did.
I did not have the time (or the strength) to sit through the entire marathon, but I did have the time watch an entire movie along with Shia.I used a foolproof method to pick the flick: I closed my eyes, pointed at the #ALLMYMOVIES itinerary, and watched whatever my pointer finger landed on. The winner: Holes, the 2003 live-action adaptation of Louis Sachar’s novel of the same name.
Thursday morning, I fired up the live feed, started the movie at 12:02 p.m. ET/9:02 a.m. PT (per the itinerary), hoped my rental synched up with Shia's screening (unfortunately, the live feed does not have sound, so I may never know if my timing was correct), and I jotted down my observations. Here's what I saw while I watched Shia LaBeouf watch Holes:
11:42 a.m. ET/8:42 a.m. PT— Shia’s on the third day of this marathon. He must be exhausted. I wonder if he’ll fall asleep.
11:43 a.m. ET/8:43 a.m. PT — I'm going to pull up the live stream a few minutes early. Just want to get my bearings, see what's going on, etcetera.
11:44 a.m. ET/8:44 a.m. PT — SHIA DOWN. SHIA DOWN.
11:44 a.m. ET/8:44 a.m. PT — SHIA’S BACK. Whew. The movie hasn't even begun and I'm on the edge of my seat. This is already shaping up to be a exhilarating two hours.
11:55 a.m. ET/8:55 a.m. PT — Shia stood up and left. So I guess he’s allowed to take breaks? That’s good. I was worried a bucket-under-the-seat situation might be going on.
11:56 a.m. ET/8:56 a.m. PT — I just watched a woman pet Shia’s empty chair and say something. I really wish the live feed had sound.
11:58 a.m. ET/8:58 a.m. PT — Shia has yet to return. I hope he isn’t taking a nap on the bathroom floor. Hot take: Bathroom floors are foul.
12:00 p.m. ET/9:00 a.m. PT — A woman just held up a drawing in front of the live stream camera. She waved the drawing around a few times before placing it on Shia’s empty chair. OK?
12:02 p.m. ET/9:02 a.m. PT — Where is Shia? Should we be worried? I know it’s only been seven minutes, but still. Dude hasn't slept in three days. What if he passed out somewhere?
12:02 p.m. ET/9:02 a.m. PT — I'm starting the movie now. Let's watch Shia watch Holes.
12:05 p.m. ET/9:05 a.m. PT — SHIA IS BACK. He’s smiling. He’s raising his eyebrows a bunch. He’s visibly into the movie. This is a whole new Shia.
12:08 p.m. ET/9:08 p.m. PT — Not six minutes in and I accidentally logged out of my Amazon account/out of my movie rental. Way to go, Rohwedder. And as I tried to pull the movie back up, my browser started acting like a goblin. It was an excruciating several minutes before I got the movie to play again. I jumped ahead a few minutes and crossed my fingers I was still synced up with the Shia screening.
12:09 p.m. ET/9:09 a.m. PT — SHIA ORDERED PIZZA. No wonder he's all smiles. He knew pizza was on the horizon.
12:10 p.m. ET/9:10 a.m. PT — Shia’s eating pizza. Now I want pizza.
12:12 p.m. ET/9:12 a.m. PT — Oh, dang. The live feed froze. I'm sweating.
12:13 p.m. ET/9:13 a.m. PT — Oh, never mind. No need to sweat. The live feed is back.
12:17 p.m. ET/9:17 a.m. PT — A scorpion just snuck up on Stanley Yelnats. Stanley panicked. Shia smiled. I smiled.
12:21 p.m. ET/9:21 a.m. PT — Don’t let the sleep win, Shia.
12:25 p.m. ET/9:25 a.m. PT — I think someone walking down the row behind Shia accidentally hit Shia in the head with a tote bag. But Shia didn’t react. I assume it's because he's conserving his energy. Smart move.
12:36 p.m. ET/9:36 a.m. PT — Shia just displayed some really great movie theater etiquette: He didn’t hesitate to stand up when someone wanted to walk down the row. I really hate when people are jerks about letting other people by.
12:39 p.m. ET/9:39 a.m. PT — Shia laughed out loud during a dialogue-less, unfunny flashback. I can’t for the life of me figure out what he was laughing at. Either I am not perfectly synched up with Shia’s screening, or his sleep deprivation has kicked into overdrive.
12:46 p.m. ET/9:46 a.m. PT — Shia’s been blinking more than usual. His eyelids look especially heavy. Uh oh.
12:49 p.m. ET/9:49 a.m. PT — Sigourney Weaver just smacked Jon Voight with her rattlesnake venom-laced nails. I cringed. Shia's face did not change.
12:52 p.m. ET/9:52 a.m. PT — For someone who has been up for three days straight, Shia doesn't look a mess. I applaud him. If I get less than 5 hours of sleep, I look like something someone found stuck to the bottom of their shoe.
12:54 p.m. ET/9:54 a.m. PT — Shia is a very attentive, very polite audience member. You'd never know he hasn't slept in days. If I was in his shoes, I'd probably snap and start chewing on the armrest or something.
12:59 p.m. ET/9:59 a.m. PT — Uh oh. I spoke too soon: Shia’s resting the back of his head on the back of his chair. He's going to get too comfortable. That's a one-way ticket to Snoozetown, U.S.A.
1:00 p.m. ET/10:00 a.m. PT — Uh oh. Shia’s eyelids look heavier than they did a minute ago.
1:01 p.m. ET/10:01 a.m. PT — Shia’s doing that thing where he keeps raising his eyebrows in order to prevent his eyes from closing. I know that move all too well; it was what got me through the History of Ancient Philosophy class I took in college.
1:08 p.m. ET/10:08 a.m. PT — Watching someone watch a movie is so hypnotic. Relaxing, even. Like staring at a fish tank. Or one of those classic Windows screen savers. I feel very chill right now.
1:10 p.m. ET/10:10 a.m. PT — UH OH. Shia just covered his mouth with both hands and yet out a big yawn. YOU’RE SO CLOSE, SHIA. YOU GOT THIS.
1:21 p.m. ET/10:21 a.m. PT — Shia’s eyes have begun to narrow. He's shaking his head. He's rubbing his face. GET OFF OF THE TRAIN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, SHIA. IT'S HEADED TOWARD SNOOZETOWN, U.S.A.!
1:23 p.m. ET/10:23 a.m. PT — Shia yawned again. I yawned when Shia yawned. I don’t know why yawned; I’m not the least bit tired. I guess onscreen yawns are contagious, too?
1:26 p.m. ET/10:26 a.m. PT — Yikes. The yawns are coming in hot.
1:27 p.m. ET/10:27 a.m. PT — DID IT HAPPEN? DID SHIA FALL ASLEEP?
1:27 p.m. ET/10:27 a.m. PT — Nope. He's up. Another false alarm.
1:29 p.m. ET/10:29 a.m. PT — Shia has curled up in the theater chair. I can't tell you how many times I've fallen asleep in a theater chair in that exact position. (What can I say? Midnight showings and I do not mix.)
1:36 p.m. ET/10:36 a.m. PT — You're almost there, Shia. Stay strong.
1:41 p.m. ET/10:41 a.m. PT — And with that, Holes is over. I think I'm a few minutes off, but whatever. I'm close enough.
You made it until the end of the movie, Shia.
We made until the end of the movie, Shia.
Images: LaBeouf, Rönkkö, & Turner (16); Walt Disney Pictures (4); Kristie Rohwedder/Bustle (16)