Uuuuuuuuuuugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Two of the baddest bitches working in television today received major snubbage at this year's 2014 Golden Globes: Tatiana Maslany and Kerry Washington. Both women lost out on taking home the Best Actress in a TV Drama award for their roles on Orphan Black and Scandal, respectively, to Robin Wright for House of Cards. And, well, we're pretty upset about it! Naturally, both woman could not possibly take home the same award, but considering the much-snubbed and under-appreciated nature of their work on two of the most entertaining (and riveting) shows on television, it feels necessary to react. And react we shall, in the only way we know how: by wildly and hyperbolically overreacting.
The Case For Maslany
NOOOOOOOOOO! How in the ever-loving fuck is it possible that the Queen of Clones, Tatiana Maslany, did not win the Golden Globe for her work on BBC America's Orphan Black? What is WRONG with you, Hollywood Foreign Press? Are you monsters without eyes? Are you cyborgs without feelings? Are you incapable of understanding the talent that it takes to create not one, not two, but SEVEN completely different and unique characters and have them be fully realized individuals? Have you not seen the series, which takes sci-fi television to an entirely different (and amazing level)? Because if you had, you, too, would've gotten lost in her incredible performances (as we all frequently forget it's one person playing all of the parts) and been as obsessive to a zealotus degree. Tatiana Maslany is an acting powerhouse: she's the true queen of television and you messed everything up by not awarding her. Shame on you, HFPA! SHAAAAAAAME.
The Case for Washington
Hello, Hollywood Foreign Press, are you listening? Is this thing on? Are you paying attention? Because if you were you'd realize what a colossal fuck up it was to have not awarded the incomparable Kerry Washington for her work on Scandal. Do you know if Olivia Pope was running this racket it would've been HANDLED? How is it that Washington's not scooping up all of the awards? She spends her days wearing her white hat as she puts out fires and wades through the waters of DC politico insanity. You all had ONE JOB TO DO. One job! Give her the award. And you didn't. So way to fuck it all up, Golden Globes. Way to go.
We're putting you all on notice, award shows that award television actresses: Don't do what the Globes did. Be bigger, be better, put your White Hat back on and be apart of the Clone Club!