I'm not going to lie, here, Thanksgiving is a mystery to me. As a woman who has lived in Britain her whole life, my entire understanding of the holiday has been pieced together from the holiday specials of TV shows. The Simpsons taught me early on in life that the Macy's Day Parade is an essential and pretty spectacular tradition, Friends showed me a little later that it's important to eat a lot of food in one sitting (and beyond!) and that you don't put meat in a Thanksgiving trifle (thank God) and Gilmore Girls proved to me once and for all, that if you can enjoy more than one Thanksgiving meal then you definitely should .
Scrolling through the daily news feeds of my favourite websites during Thanksgiving makes me feel like a kid who didn't get an invite to the party. I'm peering through the glass, my nose pressed against the Window, and all of you are having a terrific time whilst I eat a sausage roll in the rain at the bus stop on my way into work (nice one, Britain).
So who better than the master of expressive faces, Jim Halpert from The Office, to express my range of British bewilderment, intrigue, envy and at times, hardcore hunger pangs at every Thanksgiving reference I digest during the end of every November. And I'm sure British readers will understand exactly where Jim is coming from.
1. When Your American Friends Forget You're British And Ask What You're Doing For Thanksgiving
Probably the same thing I do every night? Take off my bra, sit in my sweatpants and eat a disappointing dinner while watching Netflix.
2. And When They Follow Up By Sharing A Picture Collage Of Their Ambitious Food Goals For The Holidays
But secretly you're like, OMG — I want it all.
3. But You Still Show Them Some Long Distance Love For The Holidays
Scientific studies show that a high five can in fact travel across the Atlantic, in tact.
4. When You Hear That Thanksgiving Is Better Than Christmas
5. And When You Try To Share In A Tradition You Don't Quite Understand And Totally Overdo It
It turns out you don't all shout "Thank you!" at each other in an overly animated manner. Sorry, everyone.
6. When You Find Out That Your American Neighbours Are Having A Thanksgiving Party
So there's the definite potential of being invited round to eat your own body weight in pie. I will shout "Thank You!" in an overly animated manner for this dream come true.
7. When You Realise The Whole Of The Internet Has Gone Thanksgiving Crazy
All you wanted was your usual gossip round up and weekly Fail video supercut.
8. But You Figure You Can Still Make It A Party For Yourself With A Few Drinks
Make it a 6-pack. The party half-dozen (for one).
9. And Then Your Instagram Feed Starts Filling Up With The Most Insane Food Porn You've Ever Seen
And you realise that you're actually pretty hungry.
10. Like, Really Hungry
11. So Hungry That You Start Professing Your Undying Love To A Picture Of A Complete Stranger's Thanksgiving Dinner
You really shouldn't have had those beers.
12. And You Start To Think That America Might Have This Holiday Thing All Figured Out
Seriously, so much food! Where can I sign up?
13. When You Try Calling Your American Friends But They're Like Can't Talk; In Food Coma
14. And When You Definitely Do Feel Like The Kid Who Didn't Get An Invite To The Party
I'd like to eat my feelings over this but every food item will feel greatly disappointing in comparison to everything I've seen online today.
Thanks Jim! You've done Britain proud. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a half eaten pie in the fridge that I'd like to eat in record breaking, feeling defeating time. In the meantime, have a great Thanksgiving, America!
Images: NBC; Giphy (14);