There are probably a few times a week that I think, "Wow, it must be good to be Kylie Jenner," and those times are usually when one of her Instagram posts pops up on my feed. Whether it's a super gorgeous selfie, a photo showcasing her impossibly perfect makeup, or a picture of her doing or buying something most of us "regular" people couldn't dream of affording, she's skilled at making her life look so flawless... and enviable. But what if that's not really her life? While talking to Interview for her recent cover, Jenner admitted her Instagram and Snapchat personalities don't reflect who she is, and a lot of the things that she seems like she loves, she actually hates.
But it's not that Jenner's fake — it's just that she wants to keep people interested, even if the things she's sharing aren't necessarily an accurate representation of the way she lives (and wants to live) her life. And can you blame her? With more than 43 million people hanging on to King Kylie's every meticulously filtered image, it's a lot of pressure not to let those people down.
"There is absolutely a side of me that people don’t know. I’m not myself on Snapchat or Instagram," she said. "That’s totally not me. I’m way flashier on Instagram and Snapchat, because I feel like that’s what people want to see and that’s what I’ve always done, so I’m not going to stop. People want to see my cars and my purses. People love fashion. But that’s so not me."
It might not be her, but she looks good doing it. Let me tell you this, Jenner: Most of us look nothing like that when we're eating McDonalds hash browns, especially if you get super excited about them like I do and they don't last long enough to take a perfectly crafted selfie.
So who is Kylie Jenner, actually? She explained that, too, and it sounds like the lifestyle she's currently leading is nothing like the one she would lead if she had the choice. She told the mag:
I would probably just never dress up. I would never wear makeup, because I honestly hate wearing makeup. Lately, I’ve just been so over it. I feel like I’m way too young to wear such heavy makeup all the time. It’s just bad for your skin, but I’m always doing photo shoots or red carpets and events, so I just obviously want to look good. And I don’t know, I like hiking. I used to do a lot of hiking when I wasn’t as busy. I had a lot of anxiety when I was younger, so I would just run to this hill path in the back of my mom’s house and listen to Jack Johnson. I would listen to Jack Johnson and stare at the sky until my anxiety went away. When I was 16, I was always outside. We always watched the sunset, the group that I was friends with.
Jenner doesn't like dressing up, but she's a fashion icon. She doesn't like wearing makeup, but she just released a line of lip products that sold out in seconds. Confused yet? I am, and it sounds like Jenner is, too. But like I said earlier, it's not that she's fake, it's that she's 18. Being 18 is a really, really confusing time. You're legally an adult, but not really, because you're still a teenager and you're still trying to figure out how the world works. Maybe you're starting college, or you're starting to become financially independent, but then you also have all of this emotional immaturity that just comes with being so young.
Now imagine being 18, living the life of someone ten years older than you but also still having those immature emotions, and the rest of the world is watching your every move, and will probably cheer if they see you fail. That sounds like my worst nightmare, but it's what Jenner does every day.
"I wake up every morning with the worst anxiety. I don’t know why," Jenner added later in the interview. "I have, like, a problem. I wake up every morning at like, seven or eight because I think that there's a bad story about me, and I have to check. My worst fear is waking up and finding something bad about me on the Internet."
That's heartbreaking, and at the same time, I doubt she's the only celebrity with a fear like that. So if she's a little confused, if she can't decide whether she loves or hates makeup (even though she's awesome at it), that's OK. She's still figuring it out, so maybe we can all just give her a break? I think she definitely deserves one.