This Is What Your Friends Sound Like When They Haven't Read Harry Potter
So, you are a hardcore Harry Potter fan. You’ve read all the books, seen all the movies, and own a large (and potentially terrifying) amount of Hogwarts merchandise. You believe that “likes Harry Potter” is a necessary quality in all friendships and relationships, and most of your friends are either totally understand your obsession, or even share it themselves.
But chances are, you have that one friend who waltzed into your life. She charmed you with her wonderful personality. Then, when you were already besties and it was too late to turn back, she casually mentions the fact that she “never really got into Harry Potter.”
The sad fact is, you can give a friend a thousand copies of Harry Potter, but you can’t always get them to read it. Still, they’re bound to try and talk about it. After all, HP is so ingrained in pop culture at this point, that it’s practically impossible to go a day without seeing more news about upcoming Rowling projects, or flashbacks to the series you love so dearly. Your friend knows you love Harry Potter, so once in a while they’ll make an effort to talk about it with you. But when someone who’s never read Harry Potter tries to talk about Harry Potter… well, they’re going to sound pretty interesting.
1. They Mention Characters From Other Books
No, Frodo was not in Harry Potter. Neither was Bella Swan. Or Katniss. YOU ARE THINKING OF THE WRONG FRANCHISE.
2. They Mention Characters Who Aren't Real
Oh, your favorite character was Glob the House-elf? Too bad that character is. not. real.
3. They Mispronounce All The Words
"Her-mee-own" is not how you pronounce "Hermione." And don't even get me started on how people who haven't read the books try to spell the words — "Gryffindor" is definitely a tricky one for them.
4. They Have Insane Ships
I'm not talking about "oh, Draco and Hermione should have gotten together." I'm talking about "oh, um... maybe... Dobby and Aragog? Yeah. That's. Um. My favorite Harry Potter couple."
5. They Make Snap Judgments About The Characters
"Harry is my least favorite character, because I opened the book to a random page and he was complaining about something, so I figured that's all the books were about." OK, maybe Harry can get a little ~angsty~ (especially in Order of the Phoenix) but 1) he's a teenager, and 2) he has quite a bit to complain about!
6. They Think Gandalf And Dumbledore Are The Same Person
Yes, Gandalf and Dumbledore are both quirky older wizards with robes and long beards. Still, they're different characters. And for the last time, they are not portrayed by the same actors in the films: Gandalf was portrayed by Sir Ian McKellen. Dumbledore was portrayed by actors Richard Harris and Michael Gambon. Different. People.
7. They Won't Admit They Don't Know What They're Talking About
Probably the most admirable thing about people who haven't read Harry Potter but try to talk about it anyway, is their confidence. If they saw two seconds of the first film in the background of a Christmas party one time five years ago, they will remember that scene and count it as "seeing the HP movies."
8. They Connect The Bits They Know About And Create Their Own Story
It's impossible not to see bits and pieces about HP, because as stated before, it's ingrained in our culture at this point. But if you've never read the books or seen the movies, you only have those bits and pieces to go on. People simply connect the dots and make up their own version of the story. It may be inaccurate — but you have to admit, it's pretty entertaining.
Example? Just watch this hilarious video from Buzzfeed:
Images: Warner Bros.; Giphy (8)