Once November rolls around, it's kind of hard for me not to start listening to all of my favorite Christmas songs. I can make it maybe two weeks before giving in, but this year I simply decided to stop fighting it. After all, stores start their Christmas ads in, like, August now, right? If they can start playing music so early in the season, then so can I.
But on the other hand, some of those songs you loved as a kid seem, uh, a little questionable when you hear them as an adult. Why didn't that guy in "Baby It's Cold Outside" just let the woman go home when she said she needed to? I mean, if she has to say, "my mother will start to worry," she's probably too young to be staying there to begin with, right? And also, she doesn't want to! Today, that song would and should be revamped (Taylor Swift, please make this happen), where the girl calls an Uber, and just leaves. But that got me thinking — how might other Christmas songs be different in 2015?
Here are six songs that would be totally different if they were just released this year, because can't you totally see Justin Bieber singing "Last Christmas"? Hey, 'tis the season!
1. "Baby, It's Cold Outside"
This was a great song when you were younger and didn't realize the major creep factor it had. Let the girl go home! "I ought to say no, no, no — Mind if I move in closer?" Yes, she minds, don't move any closer! Basically, smartphones are a thing now, so there is no way the fictional girl from the song would be sticking around. She'd have texted her friend, called for an Uber, and abandoned ship before things got weird.
2. "Santa Baby"
Sure, Michael Buble released a completely different version of this song, in which he asks for a Rolex, among other insane things, but that's not what I'm talking about. If this song was just released this year, the "one more thing" the singer needs? Probably student loan forgiveness. Also, the song would most likely be called "Santa Bae-by." No? Too far?
3. "Santa on the Rooftop"
Country and Christmas don't always work well together, but Trisha Yearwood made it happen in her '90s Christmas song "Santa on the Rooftop." This year, if someone told you they saw Santa on the rooftop, you wouldn't even be shocked, because you probably already saw it all over social media. Seriously — if you're walking home and you see Santa on your roof, you definitely wouldn't run home. You'd add that to your Snapchat story, Instagram it for maximum likes, and then run to see him IRL.
4. "All I Want For Christmas Is You"
Mariah Carey's beloved Christmas tune is timeless and iconic, and I'll admit, is one of the first Christmas songs I listen to every year. But just because we still love it, doesn't mean time wouldn't change it. After all, "All I want for Christmas is you... to text me back," is a much more realistic Christmas wish.
5. "Let It Snow"
"Let It Snow" in 2015 is just one more chance for ~Netflix and chill~ while the snow falls. I mean, the song says it all: "The lights are turned way down low, Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."
6. "Last Christmas"
The words can stay pretty much the same, but this would definitely, definitely, be sung by Justin Bieber in some way. Ideally, a Justin Bieber/Drake combo would happen here. (Who can make this happen, actually?)
Image: Columbia Records