James & Kristen's Breakup Takes A Spitty Turn On 'Vanderpump Rules'

Some relationships end with a figurative nail in the figurative coffin, but Kristen and James’s relationship ended with a literal wad of saliva on a literal door. On Monday night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules, the spit hit the fan when James stopped by ex-girlfriend Kristen’s apartment to collect some of his belongings. Their meeting was cordial for all of two seconds; James wasted no time in lobbing shots at Kristen. Kristen attempted to stay chill for as long as possible. Eventually, Kristen got un-chill. Kristen threw some verbal jabs, James threw more verbal jabs, and the two volleyed the insult ball back and forth with the dexterity of two pro tennis players. Sensing the interaction was going no where but down, Kristen pulled the plug on the fight altogether and told James to get the heck outta there. James obliged.

But as James exited the unit, it became clear he wasn’t quite through. He screamed some more rude things at Kristen, spun around on his heel, and then did something I’m not sure I’ve ever seen on a reality television program. Something that was equal parts disgusting, shocking, and cartoonish: He spit on his ex-girlfriend's door. James literally hurled a loogie at the door, shrugged, and slinked away. In unison, Kristen and I asked if James really just spit on that door. Stunned to the point of laughter, Kristen disinfected the mess.

After the spit-cident, Kristen called forever friend Jax and filled him in. Like Kristen and me, Jax could not believe James showered the door with his saliva. Jax, nobleperson that he is, was positively horrified by James's uncouth behavior. So, Jax made a point to confront James at work. They argued about whether the spit was actually a big deal, about Jax’s relationship with Kristen, and about the act of apologizing. But before Spitgate could be resolved, an exasperated Lisa broke up the fight. And with that, the episode was over.

The episode may be over, but I will never unsee that moment.

Images: Andrew Eccles/Bravo; Bravo