14 Absurd 'Holiday In Handcuffs' Moments You Never Noticed
Holiday movies usually tend to fall into the cheesy and unrealistic category. We accept this because it's the holidays, so I think we are all willing to put a little bit of reality aside and seriously, who doesn't love sappy Christmas movies? Well friends, ABC Family's original movie Holiday in Handcuffs, is everything you could ever hope for in a cheesy holiday flick. By "everything you could ever hope for," I actually mean that it's one of the most ridiculous movies that you will ever convince yourself to watch. Upon a recent re-watch, Holiday In Handcuffs proves to be even more absurd than you may have remembered.
I honestly have no idea how I didn't catch most of these moments upon first watching. It's pretty insane from start to finish. Even weirder, they managed to snag some relatively big names to sign-on for it. It's got Melissa Joan Hart, Mario Lopez, Markie Post, and June Lockhart, which is mildly impressive for a made for TV movie. Even with all this amazing cinematic magic going on, there was just so much absurdity that it's a little overwhelming at times. Yay sappy Christmas rom-coms? Here's what I noticed upon my re-watch.
1. David (Mario Lopez) Walked For Over An Hour & Only Went 1.8 Miles?
I don't buy it. Find your inner AC Slater and go hard! Knees to chest!
2. Trudie (Melissa Joan Hart) Has The Artsy Loft Of My Dreams
Are we really supposed to look at this place as a dump?
3. Trudie's Boyfriend Is Every Awful Man Your Mom Warned You About
He bailed on her last minute for Christmas, then broke up with her while she's at work, told her that being needy is not a turn on (as if her world revolves around turning him on) and then finished it off by saying that he agreed to meet her parents because that's what she wanted to hear and he figured he'd get sex out of it. Yuck.
4. Trudie Worked For Approximately 3.5 seconds Before She Left
Did she plan this at all? If she had to be on the road at a certain time, why didn't she tell her mom she was working? And why can she leave without actually working a shift?
5. David: "I Am A Guy And I will Overpower You." & "You're One Of Those Hairy-Lady Manhater Types Who's Been Rejected Time After Time."
My oh my! Where is my fainting couch? My fragile ladylike constitution can't handle such a strong ma— blah blah blah. What a turd.
6. The Sketchy Old Gas Attendant Gave Her Fuzzy Sex Handcuffs For Free
7. "We Thought Maybe She Liked The Innies And Not The Outies." — Trudie's Horrifically Creepy Father
Yep, her dad insinuated that they thought she was a lesbian. Also, "innies" and "outies"?? Who are these people?! What is happening right now??
8. Designating A "Keymaster" Who Holds All Electronics And All Keys Is Both Safe And Not At All Psychotic
No really, who the hell does this?
9. David Tried To Run The Dad's BMW Off The Road
Does this happen often? Because it seemed super casual to Trudie's father.
10. Trudie Seemed Really Unconcerned About The Fact That She Would Be Charged With A Felony At Some Point.
I mean, live in the moment and all that, I guess.
11. The Mom Complained To Her Daughter About Her Husband Failing To Satisfy Her
Christmas... am I right?
12. It Took Over An Hour For ABC Family To Shamelessly Parade Mario Lopez Around Without His Shirt
Pretty impressive, actually.
13. How The Hell Did David Set Up All Those Lights When He Couldn't Leave?
He legitimately strung multiple strings of white lights on all the trees and the gazebo... but he can't leave the house. How? What is this sorcery?
14. Moral Of The Story? Apparently It's "Kidnap People"
Images: ABC Family (15