When reality show Laguna Beach premiered in 2004, I was in awe. Kristin Cavallari drove a cool SUV, and Lauren Conrad threw a black-and-white themed party at a hotel for no good reason. Well, 10 years later, Dorothy Wang's Birkin bag has seemingly knocked Cavallari's sweet little Coach wristlet into the dirt during E!'s premiere of Rich Kids of Beverly Hills, their newest truly guilty confection (and not in a Real Housewives guilty pleasure "ha-ha" way). Rich Kids of Beverly Hills follows Dorothy, her bestie Morgan Stewart, and a slew of their other twentysomething silver-spoon pals living the life and shedding their dignity one bottle service at a time.
Here's five of the worst things they had to say, amid their incessant Instagramming and asking viewers important questions, such as, "Have you ever partied so hard that you partied your eyebrows off?”
1. "Honestly, I'm not sure how many Birkins I have, I've kinda lost count. The entry-level Birkin is probably around $10,000 and the crocodile or alligator is $60,000." — Dorothy Wang
Well, if the regular Birkin is entry-level, does that make a Fendi bag an intern? And does the reptile skin bump it up to mid-level? What would it take to make Dorothy's Birkin a C-level executive? These are important things to consider when your purse is looking for a job, ladies.
2. "Arriving to a party sober is the worst thing in the world. You have to start from scratch. You have to pretend to talk to everyone you don't like, and ask them how they're doing. When you're drunk, you can stumble by and say, 'I'm so drunk, I can't small talk with you, lalala!'" — Morgan Stewart
Is this why everyone is usually so drunk at Hollywood awards show ceremonies?
3. "My vagina lips are spreading. I have camel toe. I look like I'm from Kenya, my bleep are sagging below my waist." — Morgan Stewart
You'd think that Morgan was kept in a torture chamber for a few years — but no, it was simply just a lovely and polite description of her workout with her personal trainer, who wasn't taking her whining. "You're pathetic. It's not like you have a job to go to." More burpees!
4. "I would love to help you with a [blood drive]. I have nothing better going on and I've never given blood." — Morgan Stewart
When Dorothy proposed having a blood drive (for reasons that are still unclear), Morgan was all ears. Well, since you have nothing better going on and you've never given blood, maybe you can find all kinds of new things to do in your spare time after planning this time-consuming blood drive. Learn how to sew? Go to the moon? The options are endless!
5. "When Sachi spilled sangria on my marigold yellow velvet Chanel Boy Bag and satin Charlotte Olympia shoes, I kind of freaked out initially, obviously, because I was like, 'Agh, my stuff!' But I looked over and I saw he felt really bad, and I thought, 'I can always get another Chanel Boy Bag and another pair of Charlotte Olympia shoes."
This reminded me of when Travis spills a drink on Cher's red Alaia dress in Clueless, except Cher pulled it off so much better, being the original Beverly Hills babe and all. Dorothy didn't even budge when sangria got on her shoes, and Cher rushed to the kitchen to actually try and salvage her outfit. She knew the value of a beautiful garment — so whatever, Dorothy.
You can watch the entire premiere episode below:
Image: Dorothy Wang/Instagram
Image: Morgan Stewart/Instagram
Image: E! Online