Jax, The Toms, & Peter Dig Up Dirt On 'Pump Rules'

What happens when Jax, Peter, and the Toms Sandoval and Schwartz road trip from Los Angeles to Las Vegas? (Aside from rank farts, that is?) Heavy machinery is what. On Monday night's episode of Vanderpump Rules, the Vander-dudes did not kick off their Sin City adventure at a day club or an adventure at a craps table or an adventure at a Cirque du Soleil show. The first item on the weekend's itinerary: go dig up dirt. No, I don’t mean gossip. I mean literal dirt. Peter booked an appointment at a place where any ol’ human can operate bulldozers and backhoes and other heavy equipment. A “giant sandbox,” the Vander-dudes called it. They were stoked.

(A few quick Qs: What’s the Vander-dudes current driver’s license situation? I know it's really none of my business, BUT! As Ariana pointed out in the Season 3 go-kart episode, most of of the Vander-dudes had suspended licenses. Did the Vander-dudes finally take care of their licenses? Or can you operate backhoes and things of the like without a current license? OK, quick Q break over. Let's get back to the mud-flinging.)

When the Vander-dudes arrived at the dirt digging place, they tumbled out of their fart boxed vehicle and checked in at the front desk. But before the Vander-dudes could climb into the My Size Tonka Trucks, each had to pass a breathalyzer test. Apparently shocked to find out that they would not be able to drive a bulldozer while intoxicated, the four Pumpers nervously exhaled into the breathalyzer tube. They hadn't been drinking that day, but they worried that the alcohol consumed the previous night could be lingering around. It was a very suspenseful 20 seconds of television. But much to their relief, everyone passed with flying zeroes. The dirt digging could begin.

And boy howdy, did it ever.

The Vander-dudes scooped, dug, pushed, and flung dirt, giant tires, basketballs, and more dirt.

The Vander-dudes were happier than a pig in dirt. And no one got hurt.

“We went to Vegas to move dirt. See? We’re growing. We don’t need women all the time," Jax said in a talking head. "But a hot girl in a bikini while I’m moving the dirt would be pretty cool.”

The day Jax stops living his truth is the day I stop watching this show.

Images: Tommy Garcia/Andrew Eccles/Bravo; Bravo (3)