If you, like me, rely on the Belchers for surprisingly catchy songs squeezed into their already delightful episodes, boy are you gonna love "The Spirits Of Christmas," Bob's Burgers' tribute to alcohol. Usually, I'm pretty used to Linda Belcher being the only character with any significant song and dance numbers — still can't get her Thanksgiving song out of my head, months later — but, this time, that honor goes to the Belchers' landlord, Calvin Fischoeder, who's voiced by the incomparable Kevin Kline. While Calvin's brother Felix swoops around on the ice rink somehow surrounding the piano (don't ask questions), Mr. Fischoeder delivers not the Christmas song we want, but the Christmas song we need: an ode to alcohol. PRAISE BE.
It's as if he, and the geniuses behind Bob's Burgers, know that not everyone gets to spend their holiday season in a glittering winter wonderland, making snow angels with our loving families and kissing our sweethearts under the mistletoe. Some of us have to sit through three to five family dinners and withstand a barrage of well-meaning questions about why we're still single when everyone from our high school is getting married and having babies right now. And, if you think we're entering that lion's den sober, you've got another think coming. Mr. Fischoeder knows what's up.
So, in the words of the eye-patched pseudo-villain himself, "On bourbon, on vodka, on scotch, and on gin!" They're the only reindeer I need to pull my sleigh home this Christmas. (Not sure what that euphemism means, but it's nothing that couldn't be cleared up by a couple toots from Gene Belcher's fart piano, so we'll fix it in post.) Merry Christmas, and check out the video below.