Kristen Apologizes To Ariana On 'Vanderpump Rules' But It Is Obviously A Huge Disaster

Here's a very known statement that won't surprise anyone: Ariana hates Kristen on Vanderpump Rules . I know, it's so much of an understatement, it's laughable. After Season 3's Miami Girl scandal, in which Kristen accused Tom of allegedly cheating on Ariana while vacationing in Miami, Kristen and Ariana stopped braiding their friendship bracelets for each other, because there was never going to be an exchange. These two were very clearly never going to be friends, or even acquaintances, which Ariana made very clear when Kristen attempted to apologize to her for all of the past drama the two have been involved in.

I can't decide where I'm at on the Kristen Train during Season 4. I think she's changed for the better, but then I just get pulled back into all of the drama from Season 1-3. But, then I see her calmly apologizing for Season 1 through 3 to Ariana, and I start to think, OK, she's learning. She's been in therapy for nine months. Things are better this time. I feel lost, just like I imagine Jax's "girlfriend" Brittany is when realizing she moved to Los Angeles for Jax. Anyway, I digress. Back to the apology heard around the world.

Kristen, who was just "in the neighborhood of SUR," decided to stop into the Sexy Unique Restuarant and apologize to Ariana while Ariana was working. Kristen, just one paragraph ago, I was on your side, but now you're thinking Ariana's place of work — your former place of work — was the best place to have this conversation? As you'd suspect, this conversation didn't go down like a Pumptini. It went down about as smoothly as Ariana's reception of Tom Sandoval's bacon "A" tattoo on his butt.

Kristen started off the apology tour by telling Ariana what she was not sorry for. I, personally, love this tactic. It's like, "Hey, I'm sorry. But not for what you want me to be sorry for, LOL." Here's the tl;dr of Kristen Doute's Apology Tour:

  • She's not sorry for being angry or upset.
  • She does acknowledge she was selfish and had meltdowns, aimed at Ariana and Tom.
  • She knows she doesn't have a good reputation.
  • She is sorry for threatening Ariana with a "mack truck."
  • She is aware that she can't do much but say sorry.
  • She started singing Justin Bieber's "Sorry," a cappella, to Ariana.

OK, that last thing didn't happen, but I was really hoping it would. All of the Vanderpump-ers are singers/songwriters/actors/models/musicians, right? Here's you time to shine, Kristen.

The issue that Ariana had with Kristen Doute's Apology Tour was, in a word, everything. She kept taking little digs at Kristen's intelligence throughout the entire conversation. Ariana says that she doesn't care what Kristen does with her life, as long as it wasn't done around Ariana. Fair enough.

I can't tell what Kristen's angle is with this apology. I'd like to think she means well, I really do, but like Ariana, I have to consider the past. Whether this apology was for Ariana or more for Kristen's conscience, only time will tell. Until then, go to Ticketmaster.com to see when the Kristen Doute Apology Tour will be coming to a city near you.