Oh, Jon Snow. Jon, you beautiful, beautiful, most likely very dead man. When Jon Snow was killed at the end of season, we were all trying to come up with reasons that proved our favorite guy from Winterfell wasn't actually lying glassy-eyed in the snow. (Maybe he was just napping?) It was bad enough when we had to watch Ned Stark and all of our other favorites die, but to see that curly-haired dreamboat stabbed to death Caesar-style was a little to much to take. So, we head to Denial Town, which isn't really that bad of a place when you consider that Snow's death in the book, A Dance With Dragons, was very vague. Or that dead doesn't necessarily mean dead in Westeros, what with sorceresses like Melisandre running around taking interest in handsome bastards in the Night's Watch. I mean, really, what do we even know for sure about Jon Snow's death?
Now it's time to delve into something we hate to think about to find some answers. That's right, we're going in and deeply evaluating the murder and death to get all the facts. If you've ever watched any detective show, then you know it's important to analyze all the evidence to come up with an informed decision. So, put on your FBI badges and strap on your magnifying glasses, because away we go. Let's look at all the facts we know about Jon Snow's brutal killing.
1. The Brothers Of The Night's Watch Did It
Motive? Jealousy. OK, not really. Things were tense at the Night's Watch due to leaders dying and an impending sense of White Walker doom. Not to mention Jon's election as Lord Commander of the Night Watch, and all the terrible decisions (for the greater good!) he had to make that didn't endear him to anyone.
2. It Happened At Night
The cover of darkness is confusing. Surely our eyes could have fooled us, and Jon Snow could actually be alive.
3. He Was Led To The Corner Of The Courtyard On A Lie
Those lying jerks told Jon that a Wilding knew about the location of his uncle Benjen Stark. Uh, guys, it's kinda rude to use the Wildings, especially when you're so angry with them for getting past the Wall. Check yourselves. And creating a sign that says "traitor?" Come on. You're the traitors!
4. He Got Stabbed At Least Five Times
"For the Watch," those traitorous Night's Watchmen said. Shut up, you jerks. If you were really doing this for the Watch, you would keep the only leader that can make the tough calls and will save your silly lives.
5. Bowen Marsh Stabbed First
Bowen Marsh, the always grouchy Lord Steward of the Watch, organized the mutiny and made sure to get in the first stab. This wasn't a killing stab; there were still more after that. It just hurt my feelings a lot.
6. Olly Delivered The Final Blow
Oh, Olly. This murderer of Ygritte decided that he didn't just want one lover's blood on his hands. To be fair, he saved Jon's life from his former love. But the boy who was Jon Snow's personal steward delivered the killing stab. Let's hope he stops following the crowd in Season 6, and finds a way to save Jon's life.
7. There Was A Whole Lot of Blood
But it wasn't coming out of his ears or mouth! So, I think that means he's not dead. And it wasn't that much blood. Right? Right?
We won't find out if the stabbing actually led to the ultimate death until April 2016 when Season 6 is released. I. Don't. Know. What. To. Do. Until. Then. Help. Me. For now, we must just try to live on, doing things that Jon would enjoy — like wearing heavy furs and dating redheads.
Images: Giphy; HBO