11 Things People Who Wear Dresses In Winter Are Tired Of Hearing
With the chilly season comes salted caramel lattes, cozy beanies hell-bent on giving you hat hair, opportunities to snuggle underneath plaid blankets, and everyone and anyone having an opinion on how you wear dresses in winter. Seriously, sometimes it seems like most people who see tights-clad legs in December lose their minds, trying to figure out just how you made it from your house without dying of pneumonia. To them, wearing a dress during the winter is the equivalent of wearing nothing at all. So if you have a penchant for avoiding pants like the plague, you'll probably hear a lot of crap.
But how do you explain to people that you have this style thing covered? That you know what you're doing and that you have a whole mathematical equation down pat that has proven time and time again to keep you away from sniffling noses and helpings of chicken soup? Well, you don't. You just have to grit your teeth and bare it, listening to people's worried exclamations over your winter style choices. It gets annoying, sure. But if you like what you like, then you just have to let it roll over your shoulders. If you're one of the people confused by our choice to don dresses, consider the 11 phrases that we're tired of hearing below.
1. "Aren't you cold?"
This isn't my first rodeo, friend. It's not like I ran out of the house in nothing but a slip and planned to battle my way through the tundra. I've got insulation up in here. I'm packing, like, two fleece tights and four turtlenecks underneath this getup. Don't you worry about me.
2. "Wouldn't you rather be wearing pants right now?"
No, I would not. Hence the dress. I thought maybe that would be obvious but, sure, let's have this conversation.
3. "Man, the stuff we do for style, right?"
It's a dress. Not a tutu with high heels and a fur coat. And even if I wore that, I'd look like a modern-day Carrie Bradshaw, which is pretty fly. I'm not suffering for the name of fashion. I just didn't wear what you happened to wear today.
4. "I don't know. I go into minimalist survival mode during winter. I just can't get dressed up."
This one can sometimes be the worst, because someone is going out of their way to make you feel frivolous. I get that there's a wind chill cold enough to make even Jack Frost pack his bags to Key West, but have you seen the state of most jeans nowadays? They're like origami pants, meaning paper thin. You're not doing any better than me.
5. "Making that summer wardrobe really stretch, huh?"
Yeah man, because I'm economical like that. My Slavic mother taught me how to make everything and anything stretch past the point of sanity. You should see my panini press. It's like from the days of communist Russia and will shock you every time you plug it in. Moving a dress into winter is what I do with my eyes closed.
6. "You'll catch a cold in that in no time."
If I do, will you promise to bring me some chicken soup? (Insert sassy wink here.)
Hey, you might as well turn an insult into a flirting opportunity. That's some Grade A optimism right there.
7. "I want to bundle up just looking at you."
First of all, chances are my dress is made out of knits or wool, so I'm probably sweating in it right now. Secondly, chances are you're walking around right now without a hat and with your coat unzipped. So yes, maybe you should bundle up right now.
8. "Is looking good really more important than practicality?"
I've seen people walk through the slush-ridden streets of Chicago in flip flops in the middle of January. Is wearing a dress with daisies down the front really that shocking? You'd think I was pulling a Lady Godiva and waiting on the train platform in my skivvies. Pants aren't the only things that can keep you warm.
9. "Did you get confused about what season it is?"
I have a question for you: Do you know how many styling opportunities a dress can give you? It's called layering, people! You can wear it with cuddly cardigans or pop a sweater over it and turn it into a skirt. You can match it with fun tights or cheeky pairs of socks. You can layer turtlenecks underneath or awesomely baggy blazers atop. Break out of the rut and join me on the dark side.
10. "Do you know there's three feet of snow on the ground?"
And? I don't see you wearing Eskimo snowshoes or decked out in a puffy snowsuit. It's not like it's the end-times out there. I think me and my short hem can manage.
11. "Brave move wearing a dress today."
No, a brave move would be me trying to come into the office without my first cup of coffee. Or telling my mom I'm not going over for Sunday dinner because I'm too hungover. This dress-wearing thing is child's play.
Moral of the story? Back off my dress, dude.
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