'Pretty Little Liars': Aria Chooses Between Ezra and Jake, and Hanna Throws Plates With Her Mom

Last week, the  Pretty Little Liars went on a road trip, lost Ali's journal, hung out in EzrA's cabin, and failed to reach their destination. It was a big pile of fail. This week, the Liars give the Busy Bee Inn road trip plan another shot. If the first road trip to a creepy hotel isn't a success, try, try again. And, hey! It works. When they arrive at the BBI, they find: a discarded dress (creepy), a broken window (creepy!), AND A MESSAGE ON THE WALL (CREEPY!!!).

The message: "YOU'RE TOO LATE-'A.'" AHHHHH. AHHHHHH. AHHHHHH.

So, that's what "A" has been up to, but what's the latest and greatest with the Liars?

SPENCER

  • Spencer is hellbent on finding out why her dad is helping out Mrs. DiLaurentis with her divorce/legal stuff . He finally tells Spencer that Jason (his son with Mrs. DiLaurentis/a character that disappeared from a hospital room without a trace last season) is drinking again. Uh oh. That, among other reasons, is why Spencer’s dad is working with Mrs. DiLaurentis. Hm. Hm. Hm.
  • Mr. Hastings tells Toby their dreams of taking down Radley are as good as dust. He wants Toby to agree to a settlement. A "here's a bunch of money, zip your mouth about what happened to your mom" settlement. Hm. HM. HMM.
  • Spencer snoops in her dad’s briefcase and rifles through the paperwork. She finds A DOCUMENT LISTING MRS. DILAURENTIS AS A MEMBER OF THE RADLEY BOARD OF TRUSTEES. Spencer is like, “Hey, DAD. Is this why you want Toby to sign that settlement? Because your baby mama is a trustee?! WAIT. IS THE JASON FALLING OFF THE WAGON STUFF A LIE, TOO?! UGHHHH.” Her dad is like, “I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU ANY REAL ANSWERS. AND, SPENCER? WATCH YOUR TONE. ”
  • She tells Toby he shouldn’t agree to the settlement, but Toby is like, “Nah, I’m over the 'avenging my mom's death' thing. I'm going to sign the paperwork.” Spencer is like, “WHAT?! DOESN’T ANYONE CARE ABOUT THE TRUTH? I DIDN’T WANT TO PURSUE THE RADLEY THING LAST EPISODE, BUT I REALLY CARE ABOUT IT NOW.”

HANNA

  • Hanna's "CREEPER" shirt. Oh my god. Hanna's "CREEPER" shirt made me laugh out loud.
  • Travis and Hanna hang out in Hanna’s basement, aka THE BASEMENT FORMERLY KNOWN AS CALEB’S NEST. They play pool. He helps her with her form. They play more. They hug. THEY KISS (!!!). Travis is like, “Eh, let’s pump the breaks, you just broke up with Model Face.” Hanna is like, “NOPE, WE’RE KISSING.” They kiss and kiss and kiss until ASHLEY MARIN WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR AND IS LIKE, “UM, EXCUSE ME?!”
  • Ashley Marin takes Hanna to a place where people go and throw dishes at a wall. It’s like a shooting range… but with plates. She says it helps her relieve aggression. Is this a real thing? Do people really pay money to toss plates at a wall? I can’t bring myself to research this.
  • After the trip to Plate Zone (or whatever it’s called), Hanna leaves a voicemail for… Caleb? Yeah, I’m fairly certain it’s for Model Face. She tells him that the year they spent together was “the best year of [her] life.” But maybe this is a closure thing? I don’t know. I’m still reeling from Hanna and Ashley Marin tossing on goggles and chucking plates at a designated wall.

EMILY

  • Emily hangs out in the church and lights candles. Don’t ask me why. While she’s lighting candles, Shana appears. Shana is like, “STOP CAUSING TROUBLE. YOU’RE GOING TO GET HER KILLED. I’VE KNOWN ALISON FOR A LONG-ASS TIME. I KNOW THINGS. I GREW UP NEXT TO HER GRANDPARENTS. YOU’RE GONNA GET JENNA KILLED.” It's overwhelming.
  • Emily and Shana meet up again. Shana is like, “You have to go see Ali, but you have to go alone. I guess you were always her favorite.” Emily gets all hot and bothered by that remark. Emily tells Spencer about the Shana stuff, and Spencer is like, “DON’T MEET HER. DON’T FALL FOR IT.” Emily is like, “I’M GOING.”
  • The night of the meet-up, Shana drops Emily off at some weird building and then DITCHES HER. Aw, crap. Emily goes into the building, anyway because she’s confident Ali is there. And guess what? Ali is there. They hug. Emily is like, “Let’s go to the cops and fix everything.” Ali is like, “Nope, can’t. Also, I don’t know who “A” is.” And then! Someone shows up (!!!) It’s… SPENCER. Not "A." Ali runs to an elevator and elevators away. Emily loses it when Ali leaves. She whips her head around and shoots poisonous daggers at Spencer with her eyes.
  • Emily yells at Spencer for ruining her rendezvous with Ali. Spencer is like, “This is one of Ali’s evil schemes. She’s trying to pit the Liars against each another.” Maybe I’ve been watching this show for too long (haha, not possible), but I’m with Spencer. I don’t trust Ali. She’s put the Liars/me through too much.

ARIA

  • While Ezra and Aria hang out (GROSS. I HATE IT), Karate Jake texts Aria. Ezra sees the text and starts talking like a staccato-voiced robot. Aria is like, “Don’t worry, I’m going to tell Karate Jake I’m a garbage monster who loves an even bigger garbage monster.”
  • Aria visits Karate Jake at his dojo. He has a fresh shiner on his eye. He gives her a non-explanation. They smooch. (ARIA. YOU’RE A DEMON.) They talk about an old punching bag in the dojo. (Don’t worry, this isn't the last we'll see of that punching bag.) And then she’s like, “I don’t know how to say this, but EZRIA 4 EVA.” Jake is hurt. Aria says, “We can still be friends.” Jake is like, “You’re the worst.”
  • That night (I think?), Karate Jake sees Ezra yelling at someone in a car. Ezra smacks the car with his hand. Karate Jake is INTRIGUED. Later, Karate Jake tells Aria “I saw Ezra scream his face off at some blonde lady and now I’m convinced he’s the reason you signed up for my self-defense class once upon a time.”
  • Aria calls out Ezra for popping off on a mystery lady. Ezra tells Aria that the lady is Maggie’s lawyer. Maggie doesn’t want Ezra to see Malcolm. Ezra is like, “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to rock the beautiful boat that is our gorgeous love. Also, tell Karate Jake to go pound sand.” OH NO. EZRA IS TOTALLY GOING TO KILL KARATE JAKE.
  • And then, Aria and Ezra cover a brownie with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. And then they eat it. And then they make out. This scene might've ruined brownies for me for forever.
  • Meanwhile, Karate Jake karates around the dojo. He does a fancy spin kick and whacks a bag hard with his foot. Well, guess what? THE BAG IS FULL OF KNIVES. ONE OF THE KNIVES TRASHES KARATE JAKE’S FOOT. ARIA. GET AWAY FROM EZRA. HE'S PACKIN' KNIVES. HE'S PACKIN' KNIVES IN PUNCHING BAGS.

Image: ABC Family